Make the Yuletide Gayest
by friendlyneighborhoodfairy
Summary: Gajeel smells someone whose scent is delicious. Freed and Laxus accidentally cuddle. Mira gives Cana a concussion. And Gray and Natsu purposefully cuddle. So begins a FT holiday full of romantic strife and happy endings. {Angsty romantic fluff. Endgame: Gratsu, Stingue, Fraxus, Canajane, Lelu, Cojeel, Doranhar, Juvianna, Kagerza.}
1. We Slept Together On Accident

**Make the Yuletide Gayest**

 **A/N:** A new round of FT holiday drabbles. ^-^ For my disaster gays. Happy holidays, lovelies, whatever you do or don't celebrate.

There's a traumatically mute character who signs. I've written his dialogue as the English translation in italics.

* * *

 **Chapter 1: We Slept Together On Accident**

Gajeel sniffed the air.

"Things feel at all different to you?" he asked Levy.

"By that do you mean, 'are your human senses picking up the same things mine are'?" Levy looked over her book long enough to roll her eyes. "If someone smells weird, go ask them about it."

Gajeel sunk down, arms crossed. "No. 'S rude."

"So's talking about it where they might hear," Levy said, turning a page. "Especially of the person you're talking about is another Dragon Slayer."

"They aren't paying any attention to me."

"That's what you think."

He grumbled and opened his mouth to argue.

"Go bother someone else," she broke in, pesky yet chuckling. "I'm trying to read this book by this evening."

"Ah…when Natsu's team will get back." He grinned.

"Sure. Whatever," she said, refusing to look at him.

* * *

Laxus's ears itched. _Not paying any attention._ Hah. Of course he was. And he knew exactly which smells Redfox had picked up on.

And his face was flushed and he _really_ didn't want to deal with this right now.

Laxus could hear Redfox still musing about his and Freed's scents, and was resolutely keeping his back turned, facing his teammates who were having an argument. Rather, Freed and Ever were having an argument, while Laxus avoided joining in and Bickslow's short attention span was swallowed up with trying to juggle two apples that were definitely the worse for wear. Not that unusual, really.

"That's not how magic works!" Ever said, frustrated.

"On an ether-quantum level, magic behaves as both a particle and a wave," Freed argued. "It's both energy and substance, simultaneously. That theory is the best one we have right now."

"It's just a theory. And even if it were true, it has nothing to do with practical magic."

"It has everything to do with practical magic—"

"Not when you're trying to get an eleven-year-old to stop changing size all the time!" Ever said, running her hands into her hair. It was considerably frizzed at this point. "She needed pointers on calming down, regulating emotions, learning to feel ethernanos—not a formal lecture on how to stop transmuting between solid and liquid or whatever the hell you were telling her."

"When I was eleven, I already knew Planck's theory by heart, had read Bohr's book on the subject, and learned the equations proving it," Freed said hotly.

"You're not normal, Freed!"

Laxus made a rumble of agreement. Freed turned on him.

"You read the same book, Laxus."

"Yeah, when I was fifteen and had you to explain it to me. Also, I don't remember half of it."

Freed rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Fine. You win, Ever. Teach children to be stupid. Next thing you know, they won't even know the difference between integrals and derivatives."

" _Most_ people don't know the difference between—" She began.

"Stop, stop, you're just depressing me," Freed complained, holding up his hands.

"He's too intellectual to face reality, Ever," Laxus said. "Be nice on his big brain."

Freed glared at him. Laxus grinned.

He smelled Redfox finally exit the guildhall and rolled his shoulders.

"You're doing the thing again," Freed observed, seeming happy to change topics.

"Which things?"

"Is someone talking about their sex life, or is it hygiene-related this time?"

"No. Just…making rude comments," Laxus said, shifting. He glanced over at Bickslow. "You know, at this point those apples aren't fit to make a pie."

"I hate apple pie," Bickslow said errantly, missing one of the apples which hit the floor with a _splorch._

"You what?" Laxus said.

"Don't," Ever and Freed said together.

"He's crazy," Ever said. "Don't even try with him. As I see it, this means there's more pie for the rest of us."

"But pie."

"I know." Ever shook her head. Bicks stuck his tongue out at them.

Freed brushed his coat off, flipped his hair over his shoulder, and glanced around the guildhall.

"Think we have time for another mission before the party Saturday?"

"You know Mira will kill you if you make us miss it," Bickslow said.

Freed pouted—a hilarious face on him. "I'm bored."

"Of course you are," Laxus grinned.

He jostled Freed with his shoulder and Freed smiled back. It felt good to have this, to act normal and joke around. Last night, Freed had fallen asleep on his shoulder after they'd stayed up way to late playing cards, and Laxus had slept out on the sofa with him because he was afraid to move and wake him. Now they smelled like each other and Laxus was afraid it'd be awkward. Thank goddess it wasn't.

Waking up that morning, Freed had blearily asked him if he wanted coffee or tea, and disengaged from under Laxus's arm to go bang around the kitchen. Laxus's side had been cold, and he rose soon after to help with breakfast.

"What about a job in town?" Bickslow suggested.

"There's an idea." Evergreen looked toward the request board. "There might be something…"

"There's probably one for teaching young mages," Bickslow said, side of his mouth climbing into a smile.

"NO," Evergreen and Laxus said at the same time.

"We are not having that argument again," Laxus said.

Freed looked hurt, so Laxus caught his eye, shrugging apologetically.

"You're a good teacher, Freed. And you're great with little kids. You and Ever just don't make good co-teachers."

"Not like you or Bicks do either," Ever retorted, rounding on Laxus like he'd insulted her. "You two aren't smart enough to keep up."

"Hey!" Bickslow shouted. "I resent that."

"Whatcha going to do about it?"

"Holy gods," Freed sighed, rubbing his face. "We definitely need to take a job. Laxus, pick something. Please."

* * *

Gajeel followed the usual tangle of scents out the guild doors and inhaled the fresh winter air. He could never quite breathe deeply inside the guild, where human smells smothered everything.

Sniffing, he whirled around, ear catching the slushing sound of footsteps. Not that people wouldn't be out and about, but this was…

He headed toward the woods, eyes keen to catch sight of anything moving between the trees. He knew this smell. Better than Levy's and Lily's. It called to him every time he got a whiff, and even now, his stomach growled.

That scaly undertone of a Dragon Slayer's scent drew him on.

* * *

Natsu punched Gray's arm in a friendly way. Gray punched him back.

"Nice work," Natsu said, the pair falling into step at the front of their entourage. "You're getting better at those fake attacks."

Gray stuck his tongue out at him.

"Yeah, yeah," Natsu laughed.

"Natsu," Lucy called up, "do—"

He missed the rest because Gray's hands began to move.

Natsu burst out laughing.

"You're hilarious, and the answer is no."

Gray narrowed his eyes and signed, _Why not? You're the noisy one. You'd make a better distraction than I do._

"Aw, don't downplay how well you do at your role," Natsu said. He signed, _You can be flashy. Your magic explodes too. Anything I can do, you can do, too._

 _You just don't want to switch._

Natsu grinned. _Can you blame me? I get to roast them because they're always ogling you._

 _What if I don't want to be ogled?_ Gray signed with a glare, movements large and insistent.

Natsu's face fell.

"Oh. We can switch next time if you want. I'll do the faking. You're the sincere one of us, anyway."

He smiled, a question in his eyes, and despite the tease, Gray smiled back.

"Natsu!"

"Huh?" He turned around and found Lucy with her hands on her hips. "Honestly, you don't pay any attention to what you don't want to. I swear your draconic senses are for nothing."

"What do you want?" he asked, pouting.

She rolled her eyes.

"Oh my god. Allow me to repeat my question a third time…"

* * *

Lucy's feet were getting tired when the team crested a hill and looked down into a valley with a small town amid farms.

"Think it's big enough to have a ryokan?" Erza asked, leading them down. "Guess we'll find out."

Gray signed something quick at her which Lucy missed.

"Really?" Erza asked. "You're sure?"

Gray gave her a flat look: they all knew his locative memory was superb.

"I'd be down," Natsu said, bounding down the path and smiling back over his shoulder. "Race you there!"

"You don't even know where the hot springs are, Natsu!" Erza shouted as he and Gray took off running. She shook her head.

"It's a win for Gray then," Lucy laughed. "Heat and relaxation do sound nice. I wish we'd made it back to Magnolia though…"

Erza shrugged. "It couldn't be helped. If both Natsu and Gray are sick, a train ride would be horrid."

"What does this sign mean?" Lucy asked, moving her hand in imitation.

"Oh, that's nausea. He just ate something that disagreed with him. At least he was good to walk."

"Maybe tomorrow he'll be well enough to train back the rest of the way. Then we'd at least get back in the morning."

Erza tilted her head.

"Do you have something to get back to?" she asked.

"No…" Lucy twisted her fingers, before she realized what she was doing and stopped. "Just that Levy was going to pass me the next book for book club."

"Wow, you're that excited about a book?" Erza chuckled.

"Well, no, see: it's her choice this week, so I'm second and I have to read it fast so Freed gets a chance to read it too. We have it all, you know. Coordinated. So I have to see Levy. To get the book."

Erza laughed and Lucy had the distinct feeling she was babbling, but Erza was a good enough friend not to mention it.

* * *

Gray carefully lowered himself into the water one centimeter at a time. He liked hot springs, but he also had to get used to the heat slowly. He'd fainted once. That had been embarrassing. Luckily Natsu had accepted the 'ice magic' excuse back then.

Finally in, he leaned his head back and let out a long sigh.

Slapping footsteps preceded a splash and Natsu's signature happy groan.

"I swear it literally recharges ethernanos to sit in here."

Opening his eyes, Gray looked over at him. Natsu's face was flushed from the heat, his damp hair swept sideways. When he smiled at Gray, Gray returned it, and it felt good.

"So how do you form replicas of yourself that are so accurate?" Natsu asked. Gray tilted his head in question. "I don't know what I look like. I mean, I do, but not that well. When you make your imitations, they're really detailed. I noticed today they even have eyelashes."

The fact that Natsu noticed that was a little odd—and oddly invasive—but then, he had spectacular eyes.

Gray raised his hands to reply, splashed water everywhere, and looked over at Natsu with a shrug, flicking water at him.

"Fine," Natsu laughed, "answer me later when you can sign more easily."

Gray lay back and relaxed, letting his arms float in the water. Sometimes his fingers got tired of talking. They'd grow heavy, like all that communication made him vulnerable. Even though Natsu and Erza were often the only two who could understand, it still felt…naked.

A completely different kind of naked than what he currently (and frequently) was.

"I'm sorry about the ogling," Natsu said in a quieter voice.

Gray shook his head.

"No, it _does_ matter. Gray, you don't… You don't deserve that. And I'm sorry."

Gray nodded, and Natsu nodded back.

They both relaxed for a little while, the silence easing.

Natsu floated over, blowing bubbles in the water as he went, eyes just above the water. Gray gave him a look, but it was friendly curiosity; there was no animosity when it was just them alone. Things like who won their race or who'd started the last brawl stopped mattering so much; it was all amiable, comfortable, and home.

Reaching out, Gray touched Natsu's hand. Natsu startled a little, but seeing Gray's smile, he returned it.

"Why do you strip?" Natsu asked.

Gray raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, I know, your magic, but…why? Does it help you focus?"

Floundering his hands in the water, Gray splashed him.

"You're really going to make me do twenty questions like when we were little?" Natsu laughed. "Because I will. And it will drive you insane."

Gray glared, but it held no true anger behind it and Natsu knew that, laughing with a mischievous smile.

"So do you strip in order to feel cold?"

Gray shook his head.

"To become _one_ with your ice?" Natsu teased dramatically.

Gray shook again.

"It is for focus, isn't it? Something about throwing off distractions?"

Gray nodded then shrugged his shoulders. That was part of it.

"Uh-huh. And in the meantime, you want to distract your enemies by giving them a nude show when they least expect it?"

 _That_ got Gray to raise his hands out of the water.

 _No, I don't do it to fucking get them to look at me. I hate people staring at me like that. I'm so tired of people staring and just—judging. My body isn't perfect. I don't always—but then I have to check, and care, and make sure I look… And then the scars, and they ask, and that's off limits: I'm sorry, but I don't—don't share that. And…and making jokes about my dick—_

 _Making_ _ **what?**_ Natsu interrupted with a jerk.

 _You know, like "I know that like I know there are three freckles on Gray's dick," or "How long are you today? Oh, only nine centimeters, I guess you don't have a crush on anyone here…"_

 _Who fucking said that to you?_

Gray sighed. _Cana did once._

 _Fuck her._

 _Natsu…_

 _No really, fuck her. That's not—how the fuck could anyone think that's appropriate?_

 _It doesn't bug me,_ Gray interrupted, but Natsu cut him off with a slice through the air.

 _You just said it_ _ **does**_ _bug you. And you have every right… Fuck, people are shits sometimes._

Blushing, Gray retreated from him, sinking down until his shoulders were under the water and he was breathing steam. He didn't know what to do when Natsu was on his side. It felt uncomfortable. Not wrong, just…like it was happening to other people.

"So," Natsu said. He'd retreated to a corner, and Gray couldn't tell through the steam if his voice was shaking or that was just Gray's hearing. "You strip down in order to focus…but isn't it also because you just like it?"

Gray nodded.

"You don't like the feel of cloth," Natsu went on, as Gray continued to nod, a tiny bit of his smile returning. "I thought I remembered that, yeah. You don't like…your skin feels weird. Claustrophobic or whatever."

 _Yes._

"Me too: inside buildings."

 _That's why you destroy everything,_ Gray teased.

They both smiled again, and Gray breathed.

At least, he did until Natsu said, "I like you when you strip."

In the split second after, they both stared at each other, stunned, and Natsu started coughing hard.

"I mean, you know, you're being you. When you're not self-conscious, you're…you know. More…interesting. I mean," Natsu rubbed his face, "more fun? Not like you're boring. But it makes you attractive—er— Gods. Okay. What I'm trying to say is that it's cool when you don't care what people think."

 _Thank…you._

Except Gray always cared what people thought. That's why he tried to avoid them.

"Does it ever get too hot for you in here?" Natsu suddenly asked. "You're all weird with temperature."

 _It can. Takes a while._

"Huh. Because I'm burning up. And before you make a joke, ha ha, yes, I know." Natsu lifted himself out of the water, turning his back to Gray to step out. "I'm gonna head to our room."

 _Okay,_ Gray signed, but Natsu wasn't looking.

He flashed Gray a brief smile, and then he was gone.

Gray sank lower into the water.

* * *

Erza wandered out of the ryokan and across the street to a small teahouse. She intended to get something to drink and head back, but when she saw cake on the menu, she decided to get a late night snack.

"…and a melon Ramune," she finished, sitting at the counter. The woman headed off.

Feeling airy and light, Erza glanced around—and stared at the woman who had appeared in the doorway.

When their eyes met, the woman grabbed the jamb in one hand and her sword hilt in the other, as if she'd stumbled.

"Erza?"

"Kagura?" Erza gaped. "Wow. Hi. Come sit with me."

Kagura did, dark hair swinging in front of her face, and Erza experienced the lesbian inability to speak in the presence of a beautiful woman.

"So what are you doing here?"

"Snack," Kagura said, looking sideways at her shyly. Erza felt about the same level of suave, and was grateful the nerves were mutual.

"They have cake," she offered.

Kagura's eyes lit up. "Oo!"

When the owner emerged with Erza's order, Erza requested cake for Kagura before Kagura could, sliding over the Jewels and winking at Kagura…and then immediately blushing.

"So," Erza said quickly, "what brought you to this corner of the world?"

* * *

They ate amid comfortable conversation, occasionally bumping elbows. There was something comforting about it all; homely. Erza could've been anywhere in the world like this, the two of them drinking soda and eating sugar, and it would be perfect no matter what was going on around them.

When their plates were long gone and several ramune bottles sat empty before each of them, Erza finally looked at the clock on the wall and jolted.

"It's almost one?!"

"What?" Kagura exclaimed. "This place is open that late?"

They stared at each other, then burst into giggles.

"I don't regret a thing," Erza admitted honestly.

"Me neither," Kagura said. "There was this one time Millianna and I stayed up until…"

* * *

When Gray lay down on his futon, his eyes were open to the dark. Even wide-eyed he could see almost nothing, but he knew where everything was: a wall a meter in front of him, another up by his head, Natsu a little ways behind him, and beyond him, the door.

At this time of year, Gray needed to know where everything was, all the escape routes. Most people didn't know that about him and this holiday, didn't notice, and he was happy to leave it that way. This was his private winter hell.

"Gray," Natsu whispered, shuffling as he laid out his own futon. "You awake?"

Gray tapped his nails on the tatami.

"Is it okay… Are you okay if…"

Natsu sounded so strange Gray almost turned over to look at him. But he wouldn't be able to see anything in the dark, while Natsu _would_ be able to see him, he'd see Gray's expressions, and Gray would be naked to him…

He huffed, a sound of frustration, and Natsu sighed.

"Touch or no touch tonight?" Natsu asked.

Gray stiffened.

They'd only done this a few times—slept next to each other, bodies warm where they collided in the night. Usually it was when Gray had nightmares (or when Natsu occasionally did) or after gruesome missions when they both needed the affirmation that the world was still safe and good.

Inhaling, Gray nodded at the darkness, reaching back until his fingers brushed Natsu's arm behind him.

There were sounds of shifting, and then Natsu's heat preceded a warm and comforting hand landing on Gray's shoulder. Natsu's thumb caressed back and forth several times before he asked, "Okay?"

Gray tapped the tatami in the affirmative.

Shrinking the gap between them, Natsu approached until his thighs bumped the back of Gray's legs, hand sliding down across his chest in a one-armed hug.

"Okay?" he asked again.

Gray nodded. Natsu's warm translated across the space between them, and Gray liked that.

After a few minutes, Natsu finished the move, stomach coming to press gently against Gray's back, breath light on his neck.

"Still okay?"

Fumbling, Gray found his hand and signed awkwardly into it, _All okay._

Natsu was confused for a moment—Gray had to sign it twice—but then he exhaled a smile and finally curled up comfortably around Gray, the pair of them melting together.

"I like being around you," Natsu sighed, dragging his fingers down Gray's cheek for a moment.

Gray's heart leapt up his throat. They'd never done that before.

But Natsu did no more, and after a little while Gray was able to relax against him, Natsu's embrace loose and perfectly enclosed, keeping him safe in a way very few things ever made him feel.

As sleep dragged his eyelids shut, he twined his fingers between Natsu's and got a responding squeeze.

Without Natsu, Gray wouldn't know how to not be alone.

* * *

Juvia stared in through the window at the two men on the single futon.

Natsu had Gray in what appeared to be a body-lock, arms and legs twined around him so Gray couldn't escape. And Gray…he looked scared, twitching from nightmares.

It was not right. Juvia knew better than anyone that Gray's mind was delicate. He couldn't be touched like that. He didn't like it. That Natsu would dare…

She'd kissed Gray's cheek once, and he'd burst into tears. It was the only time she'd ever heard him make a vocal noise, hoarse and broken, and the sound had been both deeper and tighter than she'd imagined.

She wondered what his speaking voice would sound like. Beautiful, she knew that. She longed to hear it. One day, perhaps.

But it wouldn't happen if Natsu were trapping him while he slept, pinning him down and holding him captive with touch and smell and physical presence that Gray could not thrive in.

Leaning back against the wall, she stared up at the barest sliver of the waxing moon and wondered. Wondered if he'd ever open up enough to be loved. If he'd ever let her into the small, intimate circle of friends he'd cultivated. She knew membership in that safe group of people was precious and hard-won, knew she had to work for it.

After he'd saved her from herself—from her self-imposed insularity and the company she'd chosen—she'd found that while he sought warmth for others, he was ice-cold toward himself. He had so many walls around his soul that she was fascinated almost instinctually, wanting to know the Gray that lay inside all that self-defense.

And then, of course, she'd grown to care about him: to see glimpses of him in his fear or sadness or brief happy moments. She wanted better for him. He was always alone; he needed to let in someone who cared for him. Juvia didn't want him to be alone anymore.

She knew loneliness better than anyone. If there was anything in the world she could change, it would be making sure nobody was ever alone. Least of all the ones with bloodied hearts.

* * *

 **A/N:** This is a multichap! Expect more posts throughout the day and into tomorrow. {Endgame: Gray/Natsu, Sting/Rogue, Freed/Laxus, Cana/Mirajane, Lucy/Levy, Erza/Kagura, Gajeel/Erik-Cobra, Mest/Lahar, and Juvia/Lisanna.}


	2. More Than a Drink at a Bar

**Chapter 2: More Than a Drink at a Bar**

"Mira?" Cana called, peering into the kitchen.

There was a scuffling sound back toward the pantry.

"Just…a…second," Mira called, breathing hard, and there was a crash like pottery breaking. "Fuck. Well, that's _another_ mug destroyed…"

Cana entered the back room to find Mira surrounded by vague disassortment—several boxes askew, an overturned crate, and the smashed shards.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm trying to get my Krampus right," Mira said.

Cana blinked at her. She looked…so sincere.

"Krampus?"

"Yeah. For the party. I've got two days, and so far I keep breaking stuff with my horns."

"Aren't you used to having horns?" Cana asked. "Wait, but why? Krampus? For the party?"

"Yes," Mira said patiently, wiping her brow.

Cana found herself appreciating Mira's forehead and cursed the clusterfuck of her gay mind.

"Who's going to be Saint Nicholas? Or…isn't there a bunny in that myth somewhere?" Cana asked.

"Pretty sure there isn't."

"You hail from a strange land," Cana teased, and Mira laughed. "Okay, well, show me."

"Right now?"

"You need to practice, right? And I want to see."

"I'm not showing anyone beforehand," Mira grumbled, but she shoved a few boxes aside and closed her eyes.

Horns sprouted from her head, longer than normal, and in seconds she had turned into a monster.

Which, all things considered, wasn't that abnormal for Mirajane. But _this_ was a form Cana was unlikely to have wet dreams about.

"Well?" Mira asked nervously as Cana continue to stare.

"Holy fuck, you look scary."

Mira's face fell—even as a monster, you could tell—and it made her a little less terrifying. A little.

"Hey, hey, lovely," Cana said, touching her shoulder—but Mira startled at the touch, and Cana jumped back, hitting her head, and the next thing she new, there was a crash.

Wincing, Cana looked slowly down at her feet.

"Fuck, I'm so sorry…"

"It's okay, really," Mira gushed, crouching and beginning to sweep up the bits of plate and cup around Cana's feet. Cana touched the back of her head just as Mira looked up, and Mira's comforting smile flashed pale. "Holy shit, Cana, you're bleeding!"

"I am?" Cana laughed nervously, staring at the red on her fingers. "Huh. Look at that."

"Oh goddess, we've got to get you sitting down, where's the medikit, holy shit…"

"It's fine," Cana insisted.

"No, it's not," Mira said. Her grip was firm as she pushed Cana out of the pantry and into a chair, but there were tears in the corners of her eyes. "Holy shit…"

"Do I smell blood?" Gajeel asked, poking his head in the kitchen.

Cana turned around just as he said, "Damn."

"Apparently I'm bleeding," she laughed weakly.

"Yeah, you fucking are," he said, coming in to help Mira search the cabinets. "Here, this what you want?"

"Thank you," Mira gasped, taking the medikit from him and rummaging frantically through it.

"So what'd you do, egghead?" Gajeel asked, leaning against the counter and grinning down at Cana.

"Egghead?" she said, trying to sound offended.

"Because you cracked your head open like an egg," he chuckled.

"She did _not,_ " Mira said, pressing something to Cana's head that made her hiss. "I'm so sorry; does that hurt? It can't be helped, darling. Here, hold my other hand. You can squeeze hard, it's okay. Gajeel, would you hand me that?"

While Cana gripped Mira's hand and let her eyes flutter closed, the other two worried around her, Gajeel being quietly helpful—which was good, because Cana was concerned whether Mira were alright. She was breathing fast in Cana's ear.

"I'm seriously going to be fine," Cana murmured.

"I know," Mira said, kissing her cheek. Cana's face warmed and she ducked her eyes, not sure what to do with her hands, feeling like any movement would be jerky and awkward. "I'm still worried about it, though, Cana."

Cana coughed and didn't say anything else. Mira's face was uncomfortably close and Cana could feel every brush of her fingertips.

When she looked around the room (feeling dizzy and breathless), she caught Gajeel's eye and he smirked at her.

 _Shut up,_ she mouthed.

Damn best friends with Dragon Slayer senses.

* * *

Not long before that, Levy had been sitting reading her book when Gajeel meandered over and gave a dramatic sniff. There was something about his tense shoulders, his curled posture that was different—but the dramatic sniffing caught her attention and she didn't analyze the rest.

"Huh," he said, straddling her bench.

She was tempted to ignore him, but when he leaned his chin on his fist and began brooding, she looked over, knowing he'd be wearing _that_ face.

He was.

"What?" she asked.

"Their smells are back to normal."

"Oh my god," she sighed. "This again?"

"But it's weird, isn't it? They smelled _so_ much like each other. You know what makes that happen?"

"Yes, Gajeel, I do. You've explained it."

"So…did they Do It and then decide they didn't want it after all? Seems pretty hard to believe. They're not acting awkward, and they're so close."

"You know, you've never actually said names," Levy said.

"But you know who I'm talking about, because you're not an idiot."

"They're pretty damn obvious," she grumbled.

"See? Thank you."

"Maybe there was another reason they smelled like each other. It's not just sex that does it."

"It's usually sex," he said.

"But not always."

"Not always," he admitted.

"Shitfuck, please shut up. I'm trying not to get curious and nosey like you. Why don't you go be useful somewhere, instead of speculating about our guildmates' love lives?"

"But what's more interesting than that?" he teased, grinning at her.

Swatting him, she turned back to her book. Gajeel stood up and stretched.

"Natsu's team will be back tomorrow," he said, putting a hand on her head before striding off—too quickly for her to do anything but splutter.

There was a shriek and a crash and Lisanna flew through the air to jumble in her lap.

"Goddess!" Levy exclaimed, tossing her book on the table and trying to untangle herself.

"Sorry, I'm sorry," Lisanna said, flushed. "I wasn't watching where I was going."

Levy laughed, and Lisanna's uncertain worry was replaced with an apologetic smile.

"You're usually pretty graceful," Levy said.

"Yeah, I just…sort of stepped backward—"

"Why on earth did you do that?" Levy chuckled.

"Oh, no, well, I thought I heard—never mind. Um, hey, so, do you know when, uh…when…Erza will be back?"

Levy blinked. "Erza?"

Looking down, Lisanna rubbed one toe with the other.

"I have something to talk to her about," she mumbled, very unconvincing.

"Tomorrow," Levy said.

"Ah. Thanks."

As Lisanna walked off, Levy frowned at her back. An important discussion with Erza? Not likely. Natsu, maybe, but Lisanna would have no reason to lie about that. And she didn't associate much with Gray, so that was out. And that left, well…

Levy snatched up her book. No need to get jealous or heartbroken before anything was certain.

No, until she saw them holding hands, she wouldn't assume they were together. Nope. Not going to assume.

* * *

Ten minutes later, Levy marched out of the guild unable to focus on her book. Fucking emotions never did what she wanted.

* * *

"Freed," Laxus said.

The rune mage looked around.

Laxus nodded at the bar. "Drink?"

"Sure," Freed said, striding over and following in his wake.

Not spying Mira in evidence, Laxus reached behind the counter and grabbed the first bottle he found and some glasses.

"You're so bad," Freed laughed, although he accepted the unpaid-for drink.

Shrugging, Laxus dropped several Jewels into an empty peanut bowl behind the counter. "She'll figure it out."

Freed took a sip of his drink, then twisted on his stool to face Laxus.

"So what's up?"

"Hm?"

"I assume there's a reason you pulled me aside," Freed said.

Laxus took another drink, still facing the bar. "I can't just enjoy your company?"

"I—well, you can," Freed stuttered, taken aback. "Yes, obviously. It's just…you normally have a reason. For wanting me. With you. Talking."

Laxus cringed. _Why_ was this so painful?

"I'm sorry," he said gruffly, and he meant it. He didn't want Freed to think he only saw the man as a tool. A commodity. Freed was a lot more than that. But Freed was right… "I do enjoy talking with you. But yeah, um…there's something specific to talk about. People are saying things. About us. About our scents."

Freed inhaled. Laxus looked over at last to find Freed surprised and wary.

"Oh," Freed said in a measured voice. "What did they say?"

* * *

The cold meant nothing to either Natsu or Gray. When they woke up, they disentangled like it had all been a dream, both strutting around in their boxers unperturbed by the fact that one of them had forgotten to latch the door all the way and the tatami was frigid.

"How'd you sleep?" Natsu asked as he moved toward the corner.

 _Fine._ Gray smiled.

 _Me too._ Natsu smiled back.

Something communicated between them, nearly overwhelming Gray. The care and silent understanding Natsu offered him. He didn't get it sometimes.

Maybe Natsu knew Gray was freaking out, because the next second he'd turned around and begun to strip.

Gray thought it was funny how Natsu changed with his back to him after they cuddled, even though Natsu usually didn't care about being naked in front of him. For all the ways Natsu was so confident about everything, he was also incredibly tentative with some things, and Gray appreciated that.

It made him feel less out of place in his own fear.

Stripping and dressing in the middle of the room, Gray got to the door first and waited til Natsu had his pants on before sliding it open and venturing into the corridor.

 _Lucy?_ he signed, blinking in sleep and surprise.

Natsu must have seen Gray's hands move, because from inside the room he said, "Lucy's up already?"

Lucy made hurried shushing gestures, not that it meant anything to Gray.

"Erza's still sleeping," she hissed, and finished slowly sliding her door shut. Her shoulders relaxed. "Natsu Dragneel, don't you dare wake her."

"But we have to get going," Natsu complained, looking toward the women's door.

"No."

 _No,_ Gray agreed.

Natsu eyed him. "Fine. But I want breakfast."

Lucy nodded in relief.

As they started down the hallway, Gray tapped Lucy's shoulder.

 _What happened?_

To his surprise, she opted to sign. _She met someone. Last night. Old friend. Had a good time. Really good time._

Lucy raised her eyebrows significantly.

Oh.

"I can hear you guys communicating back there," Natsu said ahead of them. "It's not fair to exclude people, you know."

Gray rolled his eyes.

"It's just gossip," Lucy said.

"So?"

"Since when did you care about romance, Natsu?"

"Um, what?" Natsu spluttered. "Gods, Lucy, you're so salty in the morning."

Lucy rolled her eyes.

* * *

"It's…just Gajeel," Laxus told Freed, trying not to act as awkward as he felt.

"Oh," Freed said, in a calm, keep-going tone. He looked relaxed and at ease, but he was holding very still, like someone who would burst into adrenaline-fueled motion if he moved.

Laxus scuffed the floor with his shoe. Godsdammit. _Help me out here._

"I suppose this has to do with the other day," Freed said.

Day. More like night—but saying 'day' made it less threatening. Made it seem less like they slept curled up together and more like…they'd just touched. Friendlylike. In a normal way. For a normal amount of time that friends would touch.

Not with Freed's head on his chest and arm around him, hand resting on Laxus's hip while Laxus lay smooshed against his side and running his hand slowly along Freed's side, counting his ribs in the slow patterns of breath and contemplating Freed's peaceful face while sleep slowly crowded his mind.

It had been perfect, and perfectly out of character for them. Laxus still didn't know if he could even talk about it—it seemed the answer was no—and for once, Freed was not bringing it up for him. Laxus had to rescue this on his own.

"Yes," Laxus said grudgingly. "The other day. You know how smells…" When Freed frowned, Laxus said in a rush, "Look, he's just an idiot, okay?"

They were getting too close—too close to something they could not touch. Freed looked uncomfortable, and that made Laxus uncomfortable, and he didn't want to hear Freed say, "But that was just as friends," or some equally painful statement that would break Laxus's heart so absolutely casually.

He was already struggling with panic in his chest. Panic in cold fingers which made his stomach feel sick.

"I suppose it was going to happen," Freed said, not looking at him—looking away across the guild and Laxus couldn't meet his eyes and also couldn't stop watching every twitch of his face, seeking some sign.

"Yeah," Laxus said.

"Well, we can be more careful," Freed offered, cracking his back and looking over.

"More careful?"

Was there an implied _next time_ at the end of that sentence, or was Laxus making that up himself?

"I'm sorry about embarrassing you," Freed said, ducking his head in apology.

"No, it's not—I just wanted you to know what people were saying."

"People? More than Redfox?"

"He's been talking to other people," Laxus said, and this time the growl in his voice was not for effect. He was pissed another Dragon Slayer would talk about such personal things with normal people. They didn't need to know that stuff.

Oh gods, and what if people without Levy's sensibilities over heard, and implied they'd had sex, and someone asked Freed, and what if Freed looked at them in confusion and heatedly denied it—Laxus could see it in his mind's eye, Freed exclaiming in disdain, "Gods no, we're not together. You really think we would be?"

"Laxus?" Freed leaned closer in concern. "Did you just hear something?"

"No—no, I…sorry, I just…" Laxus skittered back as smoothly as he could, out of vicinity of Freed and his smell, his contempt, his body. Out of reach of pain. "Fuck, I just realized I never locked my door."

"Again?" Freed sighed, smile tipping up his mouth and transforming his beautiful face.

"Yeah…gods, I'm an idiot."

"No, you're just forgetful. Want company?"

"No, no, it's fine," Laxus said, cutting that off as fast as he could. He attempted a smile. "Sorry for freaking out. I'll be back in a bit."

"Alright," Freed said.

* * *

Laxus wasn't a bad liar, Freed was just really good at reading people. Especially if those people were named Laxus.

For a moment Laxus's expression had been horrified, far more than an unlocked apartment warranted. He'd been so weird about the whole topic—who was Freed kidding: Freed was too—and somewhere among that awkwardness, Laxus had seen something that terrified him. And Freed didn't know what it was.

Which was just confusing, because Laxus hadn't _seemed_ horrified by any of it when they'd been cuddling the other night. Freed was pretty sure Laxus had been enjoying himself as much as Freed was.

It was just confusing.

When in doubt, Freed kept his thoughts to himself. Keep the emotional cards close to the chest: then nobody could hurt you with them. Nobody could come along and stomp on your dreams. If they stayed dreams—if you never voiced them aloud—then you had nobody to blame for them not happening. It could always be a potential and never a wound.

After all, was it better to protect yourself, or be disappointed?

* * *

When they reached Magnolia, Gray parted ways with the others and headed toward his flat. He had a route he liked to take, always past the same shops and houses, down the same streets. He knew the way with his eyes closed, and could smile and wave at the same people, and felt a part of the community. And he didn't have to interact with anyone new or deal with any surprising situations.

Unless that situation was Natsu Dragneel bursting between two buildings and bounding up to his side.

"Yo, icicle!"

 _What are you doing?_ Gray asked after a grudging moment, wishing his heart would slow down from its panic.

"I got bored, so I came and found you."

 _Already? We just got home._

"Yeah, I get bored easily when stuff isn't exploding. What are you doing?"

Rubbing at his chest, Gray stopped when he heard this, and instead chuckled mentally. It was like Natsu didn't even hear himself sometimes.

 _I'm going home,_ he signed obviously, rolling his eyes.

 _Yeah, and then what?_

Gray shrugged and Natsu fell into step with him, wonderfully silent as they made their way down Gray's familiar path. Natsu had his hands behind his head, usual carefree smile in place: he was so free, and Gray liked that, and it was also bittersweet because _he_ could never be like that. He wished he could, but the world had not made him into that kind of person.

Suddenly, his hands itched to do something.

"Why'd you stop?" Natsu asked, several steps ahead of him.

Gray inhaled.

 _Wanna train?_

Natsu grinned. _Always. You know me._

* * *

"Gajeel," Cana said weakly.

Rousing, he looked over. She had a bandage wrapped around her head and taped to her neck—the cut was quite long—and was sitting in a chair on Mira's orders not to move.

"What's up?" he asked, more gentle than he usually would be.

"Do you think I have a chance with her?"

He looked out of the kitchen toward the bar, where Mira bustled about smiling at guildmates and dispensing drinks.

"Definitely."

Cana gave a heavy sigh, winced, and reapplied ice to her head.

"I'm a fucking moron around pretty girls."

"That's not what the stories say," he said, grinning.

"Just because I've gotten _lucky_ and had a couple girlfriends doesn't mean I have smooth moves. Those were honestly pure luck and them taking pity. Swear to Goddess."

Chortling, he shook his head. Cana was smoother than she gave herself credit, but she was right: she got stuttery when Mira was around. In his opinion, that wasn't a bad thing, as Mira seemed to react softly and positively to Cana's awkwardness, but if he tried telling Cana that, she'd just roll her eyes.

"Gajeel," Cana said suddenly. "Are you seeing someone?"

"What?" He jerked upright, arms crossed as he stared down at her. "Why do you say that?"

"Why don't you deny it?"

"I'm not seeing anyone," he said, waving a hand. It was the truth. "Did someone say something?"

"You were gone all of yesterday. Lisanna said she saw you stalking through the woods looking like you were hunting something; Lisanna is wonderfully innocent and doesn't know you like I do. So who were you following?"

He sighed. She did unfortunately know him well. Between her and Levy, he could keep no secrets to himself.

"Someone I met a long time ago," he said, trying to keep the heaviness from his voice. There was so much laden in that relationship that he didn't even _want_ to try untangling it.

"Who?"

"Just…a guy?"

Cana perked. "A guy? A handsome guy?"

"Cana," he groaned.

"A strong guy? A guy with powerful magic and a searing sarcasm who won't mind your borderline-mean jokes and can put up with you showing off your strength every time you smell another Drag—wait, it's not another Dragon Slayer, is it?"

"What—How—"

Before he could even begin to come up with a response, she had moved on, leaning forward with that light in her eyes which Cana got when she was hot on some scheme.

"Obviously not Natsu. Not Laxus either—sorry, but he's taken. There's that Rogue guy, except he struck me as maybe having a thing with his teammate? What was it—Sting? They had a definite vibe last time I saw them."

"Yeah, they're together," he said. He'd smelled that one coming years away. And he didn't need smell to know when it finally happened, either, because Rogue told him. Poor kid had needed some advice on how exactly to handle _feelings._ Not like Gajeel was a fucking expert. But Rogue and Sting were cute and it had worked out.

Cana frowned. "So there's…no one. Okay, not…"

He waited, breath held. Seeing if she would move on.

"Wait," she said slowly, and he tensed. "There's that other guy. Cobra? From Jellal's guild. All moody and punkish—oh my god, he _is_ totally your type now that I think about it. But you say you're not dating?"

"Not dating," Gajeel confirmed. That, at least, he could be honest about.

"But he was the one you were following? What was he doing so close to Magnolia? That's weird: he has no reason to be here."

He waited to see if she would keep going—sometimes Cana needed no input, but not this time. This time, she looked up at him with a piercing gaze and asked, "Gajeel, what's going on? You're supposed to tell your best friends this stuff."

"Yeah, I know." He winced and rubbed his neck. Levy knew some. She'd been there the first time…when he'd first noticed. When he'd come back from that mission, and told her why he was empty-handed, she'd actually been very helpful in sorting the whole thing with him, because he at the time didn't know enough about his magic to understand why he was smelling and feeling and sensing things the way he was.

Knowing didn't make it any easier.

"We're…we're a match," he said. "That sounds weird. There's no good way to explain this. So you have a type, right? And there are many people who fit that type. For dragons it's the same. Some of that is magical, though. It's something you can low-level feel. Like right now? If I pay attention, I get a slight repellant from your magic, because we're not compatible."

"Wow," Cana said, nodding. "But he and you are."

"We are."

"So? Have you talked? Even met? Been on a date? Been rejected? Tell me!"

"There's not much to say," Gajeel sighed. "We met once, on a mission—I was there to capture him, before he was pardoned, but we ended up working together to help out these kids. And I just…felt it. I've never gotten that before with anyone. Some people are compatible with a lot of people—Wendy says she feels the pull quite often, and I gather Sting does too—but I never had. Until him."

"And he felt the same?"

"Had to have. It's not like it can be one-sided."

"Huh. So what happened?"

"Nothing. We went our separate ways…I told him that the next time I'd get him."

"Sounds like flirting to me," she smiled.

"Pathetic flirting," he said. "So, yeah. When I smelled him the other day in the woods, I followed the trail. I wanted to see what he's doing in Magnolia. Found him and two teammates are camped out a kilometer out. Probably have a mission nearby. I didn't go say hello."

"Why not?"

Gajeel huffed and glanced in the empty doorway. It was just them. Just his thoughts and confusion.

"Because I'm a coward, I guess? I wouldn't know what to say."

"But his smell came really close to the guild, yeah?"

"Yep."

"So maybe he was the one spying on you first," Cana said. "You've both done you're spying: maybe you should try talking, Gajeel."

He hmphed, a smile twitching his mouth.

"That's the obvious answer," he grunted.

"Well, yeah, duh. Because it's the right one."

When she laughed, he smiled back, and they settled into comfortable silence.

"I'm not sure if I want to do anything about it," Gajeel said at last. "Just because I finally felt it doesn't mean he's the only one in the whole world. There will be other people out there. I don't have to pursue this. I don't have to pursue anyone if I don't feel like it. I am happy as who I am. Could be single long-term, for the rest of my life even. I'd still be happy."

"And that's a good thing," Cana said. "But it's also okay to wonder what if. And it's okay to be lonely, too, even while you're also _not_ lonely. You've got friends, but sometimes we want more than that. Sometimes you want what only a partner can give you."

"And what's that?" he asked, looking at her.

"A certain steadfastness and presence. A togetherness you can't get anywhere else: to truly know you're not alone, and someone will always love you. Always."

"Friends can do that too."

"Yeah, they can," Cana said. "But not always. And sometimes you want someone you can also sleep with, and get naked with, and do lots of other stuff with. And it's nice—for many of us—when those are all the same person. Doesn't have to be, of course—look at Loke—but it is for a lot of people."

"Yeah."

Leaning forward off the counter, he shook out his legs and moved toward the door.

"Thanks," he said.

"Where are you going?"

"To contemplate this."

"Ah." She smiled at him. "Good luck."

* * *

 **A/N:** The plot thickens! I wrote this all over the last week (most of it yesterday) so yeah there's a bunch of typos. Editing is for people with time, which currently isn't me. xP


	3. No Moping Allowed

**Chapter 3: No Moping Allowed**

Four days before the guild's holiday party, Mirajane put Laxus to work.

"I need _someone_ to get the food, and it needs to be someone who I don't need for other things," she told him when he put up a fight. "Shoo. This needs to get done."

As he reached the guild doors, Evergreen appeared at his side.

"Whatcha doing?" he asked.

"Coming with you, of course. You can't find your way to the grocer and back without help."

"Fuck that," he grumbled, and she grinned at him. "I hate when you're fucking right."

"I'm always right," she said, leading the way. "Hurry up. I want to get back in time to relax before things get hectic."

"Ever, you hate people. Why do you even attend?"

"I don't hate all people," she protested. "I don't hate you three, and you'll all be there. And I like a few of our guildmates. Besides, parties can be fun. They're just also stressful."

"We could have our own party one year."

"What, the four of us?"

"You can invite whoever you want."

"Who will you invite?"

"I don't know," he said. "It's your party."

"Goodie. Besides, the only person you'd want to invite is Freed."

"And Bickslow. And hey, I like some of our guildmates."

"Not as much as you like Freed," she said, grinning.

Laxus's shoulders tensed. "Go to hell."

"Language," Ever grinned in mock-retort. "What, you don't like me saying it? Afraid someone will overhear? There's nobody around us, Laxus."

"First off, other Dragon Slayers don't have to be close to overhear. Second, that's…" He wanted to say _personal;_ the word he wished he could say was _incorrect,_ but it was a lie he could not keep up.

"True, Laxus. That's true."

"Well, I've known him longer than I've known the rest of you. Longer than you've known him, too. So what do you expect?"

"And you're very compatible people," she said gently. "I saw you two the other night."

"Oh, goddess," Laxus sighed.

"What, you expect your roommates not to notice? The four of us share a house: of course Bickslow and I saw you two cuddling on the sofa. It was fucking adorable."

Laxus cut his eyes at her, but Ever's only reaction was to laugh merrily.

"You're not denying it, because you can't," she said.

Laxus shifted his shoulders.

"Why would I want to deny it? He's a nice person."

"Nice?" Ever rounded on him, stopping the pair of them in the middle of the road. "Did you just use the most insipid word in existence to describe the most amazing man you've ever met who is also the love of your life and you can't stop staring at _even when we make fun of you?_ "

"That was one time! And I was drugged!"

"You were barely high. That lady's magic was pathetic. All it did was make you more honest, and honest-Laxus is really, really into Freed Justine. We told you that you were making cow eyes, and you said 'so?' and kept staring at him. Freed was so red."

Laxus narrowed his eyes. "I don't remember that."

"Probably blocked it out of your memory along with every time Freed has declared how much he loves you. You're a fucking idiot sometimes."

"Freed has…what?"

Ever motioned wide with her hands.

"I don't know why I put up with you people! Yes, gods dammit, Freed says all the time how he'll do anything for you, he'd die before breaking a promise to you, et cetera, et cetera. You really gonna tell me that doesn't mean what we both know it means?"

"Freed's incredibly loyal," Laxus said, his heart thundering a hundred kilometers per hour. "He's part of the team. We've all said that to each other. You trust your life to him too."

"Not the same way," Ever said softly. She put her hand on his arm, Laxus fighting the urge to jerk away from her. "You know if you told him to kill someone, he'd do it, right?"

"What? That's not love: that's stupidity," Laxus growled. "I'm not trustworthy. That's way too much fucking power to give me."

"Yeah, and that's how I know you love him back. Not worthy? That's how anyone feels when they love someone, hon. That's how Freed fucking feels about you."

"No."

"Oh my gods, _yes._ He completely thinks you're above his level."

"Freed's not that stupid. He knows he's smarter than me."

"We're not talking smarts here, and you know it. Look, can I just say this? If two people both value each other above themselves, they will disagree. They will love each other, and they will disagree about what's important, because each of them thinks it's the other person. And I think that's where you two are at right now."

"Yeah," Laxus sighed.

She stood quietly beside him as he let his heart settle around the shape of this. She was right, of course. Like she said: she usually was.

"So...so," he floundered, "how do we find a way to agree?"

* * *

Lucy and Natsu's team had gotten back the day before, but Lisanna still hadn't seen any of them.

To her total surprise, the first of any of them to walk in the guild doors the next morning was Juvia.

Lisanna tripped over a box of wine bottles and just about broke her ankle. Mira chewed her out, but Lisanna could hardly pay attention: her whole focus was on Juvia's existence within the same space as herself and trying to remember how to breathe.

"Would you go get the boxes down from the second floor?" Mira repeated.

"What? Yeah, okay…"

Treading to the stairs took her within hearing distance of the team, all spouting off with their usual jokes, even Gray, whose hands were flying more often than one usually saw. Juvia perched not far away, watching.

Lisanna tried to angle closer past her. Any nearness was a wondrous thing.

Goddess, she was a gay disaster.

She managed to get her focus back as she sorted boxes of decorations, and by the time she was descending again, she'd started getting excited about the potential to do a snowflake theme this year. Maybe Gray would even consent to use his magic.

The trip up and down was annoying, so she piled four boxes in her arms and made her way down. Lisanna knew the guild's layout like nobody's business—except she did not know where people were standing, and she couldn't see over her boxes—

Until she was falling, with only time to think, _Is it worse if I break a bone or a box of decorations?_

The shock of slamming down jolted her senses into chaos and white noise.

Juvia's groan made her jerk up, though, floundering among the debris and trying to make her way to the woman, who hadn't sat up.

"Juvia, oh my gods, Juvia, I'm so sorry, are you okay? What's hurting?" she asked desperately, clasping Juvia's shoulders when she just continued to make noises. "Is it your hand? Let me see—ow, shit, that part of me hurts apparently; okay, let me take a look… Oh, love, that's going to be an awful bruise, let's get ice… Where…"

Lisanna looked around, past the concerned guildmates offering assistance and toward the bar.

"Mira…bring ice?" she said weakly, and that's when she realized her shoulder was throbbing. "Oh, no…"

Another throb, and she looked down, and was that red? That was blood, a lot of blood, wow, she was bleeding, a lot…

"Lisanna!"

That was Natsu shouting, and people grabbing her arms to pull her up off the floor. The floor. With boxes poking into her back and her legs at a weird angle… Where had Juvia disappeared to? How...?

"Help?" she asked feebly.

"That's what we're doing, baka," Natsu grunted. "Up. Come on."

"Sorry, I…Juvia?"

"She's fine—"

"I'm fine," Juvia said somewhere nearby, although her voice didn't sound fine—not strong and sure like it was when Juvia wasn't self-conscious, when she was being herself and not afraid of being powerful. This was quavery and too far away, and Lisanna didn't like it.

Fuck.

Natsu and Erza were pulling her to her feet, and Lucy scooted a chair behind her to sit down properly.

"Did I break anything?" Lisanna asked.

"Can't tell yet," Erza said, inspecting each of her limbs in turn.

"I think she means the boxes," Lucy said. "Hon, it'll be fine. Not too much damage. But you got ripped up pretty bad. Hold still, okay?"

"Yeah, stop squirming, baka," Natsu grunted, and Lisanna heard rather than saw Lucy elbowing him.

"Use a fucking bedside manner once in a while, Natsu Dragneel," Lucy muttered.

"What's going on?" Levy asked. "Is everyone okay?"

"Think so," Erza said. "Just needs some patching up."

Lisanna whimpered when someone pressed on her shoulder—fuck, that stung.

"Sorry," Erza grunted.

"But Juvia?" Lisanna asked, hoping Levy would be curious enough to actually find out real information and whether Juvia was, in fact, actually okay…

"She's fine," Erza insisted, with a heavy sigh that sounded exactly like Mira when she was exasperated.

"Wanna…"

"Lisanna," Natsu said, his voice much more serious, and he knelt down into her view. "You passed out. Okay? So you really need to hold still right now and just relax. It's going to be okay."

She hummed, not able to fight him. Natsu's gaze flicked up over her head, and after a moment he nodded.

"Juvia is fine," he told her. "Just pinched her hand when a box landed on it. Gray made some ice for her. Once we get your cut cleaned up, he'll ice that, too…"

Lisanna had stopped listening. Because _Gray Fullbuster_ was helping _her Juvia_ to feel better while Lisanna wasn't able to move, and Juvia was already infatuated with him, and it just wasn't _fair._

Whoever's hand she was holding yelped as she squeezed tight—and then tighter when someone dabbed her shoulder and pain sprang along the cut. Hissing, she jerked away, but people grabbed her and held her still.

"Gotta clean it," Erza said. "There."

"Fuck," Lisanna growled.

"Sounds about right," Natsu chuckled.

"Fuck you, too."

"Hey, you're the one murdering my fingers, and I'm not even complaining."

She was about to point out that he _was_ currently complaining, but Natsu retorted suddenly, "No, I'm not! That was just pointing out a…point!"

Another pause as Lisanna tried to figure out what was happening and then Natsu huffed. "Fuck you, too, icicle."

Ah. Gray. Duh.

Natsu laughed and then Lisanna heard a sniffle as someone scooted a chair up next to hers. Peeking her eyes open, she looked over to find a tearful Juvia looking at her.

"Oh my god, are you— _ow, fucking shit_ —okay?" Lisanna asked.

Juvia nodded, wiped her face quickly, and gave her a smile. "Just shock, that's all. I wasn't expecting that."

"Me neither. Obviously."

Juvia chuckled with her.

"I don't _normally_ go running beautiful women down with heavy boxes," Lisanna went on, smile perking up as this got Juvia to laugh.

"So you just make an exception for me?" Juvia asked shyly. Her blush was so pretty.

"Maybe," Lisanna said with a wink.

For one perfect moment, they smiled at each other. Lisanna wasn't nervous, wasn't jealous, wasn't awkward…she was happy. And perfectly content.

Then Erza slapped a wad of gauze over her injury and she gasped out more swears.

Still, Juvia's palm landed on her knee in comfort, and that warmth wormed into Lisanna's heart and stayed there.

Maybe it was wishful thinking, and maybe it meant nothing; but maybe it _did_ mean something. She would find out—life was an adventure, and she intended to make that adventure happen.

* * *

Seeing Juvia and Lisanna comfortably settled with an icepack apiece, Gray slipped away from the hubbub and out the back of the guild.

Part of it was the press of people; part of it was Natsu talking to him with so many people around and Gray having to sign back in front of all of them; part of it was the few seconds when Juvia had snatched his arm and stared at him so soulfully, and he'd felt his breath speed up in panic at being so close to another human so suddenly.

It felt like eyes were watching him as he left, but once in the open air, the feeling dissipated and he immediately felt freer and safer.

When he reached a comfortable spot in the woods, he stopped, slid off his shoes, and wiggled his feet against the earth. They called it grounding for a reason: that connection brought him nearer to himself—more in control of the world.

His magic buzzed in his fingertips.

Inhaling, Gray let his mind wander with his ice, spiraling out and around him into shapes both familiar and imagined, not really watching. His thoughts were elsewhere, thinking about Natsu and what it meant to find safety and if Gray would ever feel okay enough to live like normal people.

He didn't think so. He didn't feel normal, even when he felt okay: even in the good moments, there was still an edge to him that he didn't think other people had.

Other people had voices.

A sudden change to the shape of the air set him on alert and Gray was instantly in a crouch, hands out, eyes opening even while he felt out with his senses. Ice was creation within space, and within that space he could often feel things…he owned the space, made it his, and he knew when it was violated.

"Hey, snowflake," Natsu said cheerfully.

Gray's hands fell. When Natsu twirled around a crumbling sculpture of ice into view, Gray gave him a nod. Natsu's smile fell into a concerned frown.

"What's the matter?"

Gray shook his head.

"Was it…" Natsu waved a bit helplessly in the direction of the guildhall.

Gray began to shake his head, then thought better of it. Sitting down on a bench that materialized without thought, he rubbed his face and then looked up at Natsu.

 _What are you molding here?_ Natsu signed, his expression carefully neutral.

Gray scooted over so Natsu could have the other end of the bench.

 _Just playing around,_ he replied.

 _Looks beautiful._

Surprised, Gray looked around at his creations. He'd always liked the artistry and expressiveness of maker magic. How every line could mean something and speak its own essay.

 _Thanks._

Smiling, Natsu opened his palm and let sparks dance over his fingers—forming a fiery snowflake above his hand.

 _Wow._ He wanted to ask when Natsu had learned to do that. How he'd learned—why he'd learned.

 _Thanks,_ Natsu repeated back to him.

They sat in silence for a while.

"Does it bug you?" Natsu asked. "When…when people…"

 _What?_

"Never mind."

 _What is it?_

Natsu was quiet for a long moment.

"Why do you let me touch you?" he asked.

He didn't look at Gray as he said it, but had to meet Gray's eyes to get his response: Natsu was biting his lip, one brow drawn down in reticence.

Gray could've asked what he meant, could've tried to get Natsu to clarify and rephrase what was, out of context, a very awkward question. But he knew what Natsu meant.

He knew the answer, too.

 _Because you're safe,_ he signed.

It was Gray's turn not to meet Natsu's eyes, fingers flowing but body turned away. It effectively made the signs blank, emotionless.

As his hands fell, Natsu snatched one and squeezed it tight, making Gray's heart pound in his throat, his palms turning clammy and his skin cold where Natsu touched him.

If he were normal…

He needed Natsu. And because Natsu was an island of safety in his life, he couldn't let their relationship change. What if he told Natsu how he felt, and let this slide into something named, something exclusive and special and _clarified,_ and then that newness or closeness turned Natsu into a scary, nerve-wracking person in his life? Suddenly his island of safety would be gone, and with it any sort of relationship-y thing they might have built between them, and Gray would be left with less than nothing.

So this 'nothing,' this ability to cuddle and not have to act like a couple afterward—Gray allowed to retreat and regroup and Natsu wouldn't barge in and expect him to talk…

This was beautiful and so very necessary.

Gray shivered. Natsu's fingers laced between his and Gray had to open his mouth to inhale.

Why, he wanted to ask. Why are you like this to me. Why do you still take pity on me.

"Hey, Snowflake," Natsu whispered.

Gray froze. As if going perfectly still would allow him not to break.

Natsu squeezed his hand.

"You were out here to train, right?" Natsu asked after a moment. "Wanna do it together?"

* * *

As Lucy washed blood off her fingers, she glanced over at Levy, who'd joined her at the sink, and they shared a smile.

"Hell of a morning, and it's not even ten," Levy chuckled.

"The usual," Lucy said, and they both laughed because it was true.

"How was your job?"

"Went well! Natsu and Gray didn't fight at all. They might actually grow up. And, uh…Erza ran into an old friend." Lucy raised her eyebrows suggestively.

"Oo." Levy leaned closer. "Spill!"

"You remember Kagura from the Games?"

"Duh. The whole kingdom remembers them and Minerva fighting. That was epic."

"It was," Lucy nodded. "And I guess…well, Kagura and Erza have caught up a few times. But they don't see each other often, obviously, because they live far apart. They stayed up well past midnight talking, and Erza was truly glowing, and I'm hoping if I hint subtly and often enough, Erza will go visit her."

"As friends, or as…?"

"Well, she'd go as friends, but that's probably the nudge they need to make it something more."

"Funny how people are like that," Levy said, covering her flushed smile with a hand. "Romance. Unpredictable."

"That's the truth," Lucy said.

There was a funny little silence between them.

"So the three Strausses are decorating for the holiday party," Levy said. "They keep trying to rope me into it, but I know fuck-all about decorating. I guess since I sit around reading, I'm a prime target."

"You do a hell of a lot more than reading."

"Me? I'm a lazy ass," Levy laughed.

"Are you kidding? You took more missions than Natsu and Gray this year."

"How do you know that?"

"I help Mira with the job lists sometimes. Nobody else around here can do math except us, apparently."

That got Levy to laugh. "Did you see Laxus and Gajeel arguing heatedly about long division that one time? They were both wrong."

"I'm sure you and Freed had fun with that."

"Oh yeah, they both got an earful and a maths lesson."

"Freed giving Laxus an earful," Lucy said, shaking her head and grinning as she picked blood from under her nail. "That must've been a sight."

"No kidding," Levy chuckled. "They're so…"

"I don't know why they don't tell anyone," Lucy said.

"You've heard Freed. They're not…"

"Official, sure. But c'mon. They're basically attached at the hip."

"Oh, I agree with you," Levy said. "But they are gonna take their time."

"Dragon Slayers," Lucy snorted.

"Yup."

"What are you agreeing with me for?" Lucy laughed. "You've got your own to keep in line."

"He's not mine!" Levy flushed, joining in Lucy's laugh but frowning too. "Gajeel and I are close, but it's just as friends— _actually_ just-friends."

"You sure?" Lucy said, laughing at Levy's fluster. There was an edge to their conversation that she was enjoying perhaps too much. Something unspoken rising toward the surface, and she was encouraging it.

Needed to hear it.

"I'm sure," Levy said. "Like you and Natsu—"

"Natsu's gay."

"Exactly."

Lucy tilted her head. "Gajeel only likes men?"

"Um." Levy coughed. "I only like women."

"Oh. I didn't know that."

They blinked at each other.

"I know, most people don't have a preference based on gender," Levy said in a throaty voice, leaning back against the counter and looking down. "It's not a gender bias thing, I swear. I can't explain it. I don't hate men. Don't hate enbies, either. I just…like women."

"I get it. I've been friends with Natsu long enough that I know how it works." Lucy gave her a comforting smile. "It's like…people have types—like Natsu, who likes people who are as strong as he is, and who like to punch things, and who understand what it's like to be lonely. Not to mention, let's be honest, he's into tall, dark, and shirtless. And the things he's looking for, the way he's looking for them…those traits just happen to always be found in men."

"Yeah." Levy cleared her throat. "I like people who read a lot, and who are not just smart but smart about people…"

"There are some guys like that," Lucy pointed out.

"Yeah, but," Levy ducked her head and muttered, "I also really like curves. They're so hold-able. Women are snugglable in a special way. I can't describe it. I like hips and soft skin and kissable necks. It's how I am."

"That's fine," Lucy said softly. "There's nothing wrong with that. I know people can get dismissive if you're 'incapable' of having crushes on all genders, but…I don't know, it's who you are. And I like it. It makes sense for you."

"Hum. Yeah."

Levy coughed again and now Lucy looked away as well, a much louder silence falling between them.

"So have you read the book all the way yet?" Levy asked, both of them pretending her voice wasn't shaking.

"Yes!" Lucy choked and had to cough. "Ahem—yes, I have. I loved it."

Levy turned to her with wide, enthusiastic eyes and finally they gazed at each other, heartened by the other's beaming grin. And both still blushing.

"Who was your favorite character?" Levy gushed.

* * *

"Gray!" Mira's voice carried over the cold ground and Natsu looked around. "Natsuuu!"

Gray couldn't pull his punch back in time (although he wasn't sure he would have; it _was_ Natsu) and clipped Natsu's jaw.

"Ow!" Natsu protested, tripping backward.

Gray shrugged. _Sorry._

Mira came through the trees as Natsu was sticking his tongue out.

"There you two are," she said, sounding on the edge of exasperation—a tone she'd been wearing more and more as the holiday party drew near.

"What's up?" Natsu asked, wiping his cheek.

"I'm looking for Gray, actually. Can you come do some decorating for me?"

 _What kind?_ Gray asked.

"Snowflakes, frost, sculptures: your usual." Mira smiled. "I was hoping you could also give us a skating rink. It hasn't snowed enough yet this year…"

Gray frowned. _The only sizeable space is the clearing behind the guild, and it still isn't very big._

Mira looked over at Natsu in confusion.

"He said there's not enough room."

"Oh. I meant the pool. Ice it over and it'll be perfect. Can you do that?"

She and Natsu both swung around to look at him as Gray considered.

"Sounds fun to me," Natsu offered helpfully.

 _Fine._ Then he paused. _Right now?_

"Yeah, sorry." Mira winced. "I'm trying to get everything organized and it would just ease my mind a lot to have that out of the way. Plus if you frost things now, I can decorate around it."

Sighing, Gray nodded and followed her back toward the guild, Natsu falling in step beside him.

"How come I never get to decorate anything, Mira?" Natsu asked.

"Because you burn everything," Mira said, throwing a _duh_ look over her shoulder. "And how would I decorate with fire?"

"Snowflake is special, then." Natsu pouted.

"You can light the candles. How about that?"

Natsu pumped his fist, ameliorated, and Gray snorted.

 _Predictable._ He grinned.

Natsu grinned back. _Is that a bad thing?_

No, Gray thought. I really like it.

* * *

Natsu pattered off eventually while Gray was decorating, and Gray saw him at one point laughing his head off at the bar. He was sandwiched by a crowd of their friends, all happy and loud, joking and chatting, Natsu loudest of all.

He was so loud, and yet he hung out with Gray. Gray liked it because Natsu's noise made up for his silence. But maybe Natsu didn't. Maybe Natsu wished that Gray would talk like a goddamn normal human being.

Gray turned back to the Christmas tree sculpture Mira had asked for and pretended he wasn't tasting blood where his teeth dug into his lip.

It almost made him want to cry out. To voice his frustration and tiredness and loneliness. But his voice was a terrifying thing that he couldn't force to work. He couldn't express these things like other people did. He just couldn't.

So he locked them inside along with everything else; and tried to forget them, just like everything else.

When he finished, he scrubbed a hand over his eyes, pretending it was exertion and not emotion he was wiping away. He was good at smiling. Smiles were like clothes for Gray. Not part of him, but he wore them anyway.

He really, really hated his life this time of year.

He knew it was just this time of year, too. That's all it was. These stupid feelings. They would pass. They weren't important and he didn't want to think about them.

Seeing that Mira was nowhere around and he'd completed all his projects, he slipped away hoping to avoid her notice and got himself a drink. He sat down to sip it in a shadowed part of the guildhall, a corner the Strauss decoration trio had already attacked because it was be-greenery-ified and thus easier for him to blend into.

"Hey."

Gray didn't start, because he'd heard her footsteps, but still Erza's voice jostled him from his musings and he had trouble not glaring.

 _What's up?_ she signed, sitting down beside him with her body tilted in his direction. Erza had always been good about communication. Her and Natsu. They'd been the ones who cared to talk with him.

 _Nothing much. Avoiding responsibility._

Erza laughed softly and raised her own drink in salute.

 _You looked really focused there,_ she signed. _Doing your magic. You know it's the prettiest magic of anyone in the guild._

 _Thanks._ He blushed. _I like to do a good job._

 _You did that._ Erza paused and glanced down at the table for a moment. _It's hard at Christmas, huh._

Gray swallowed.

 _Yeah._

 _You doing okay?_

Gods. Gray didn't know what okay looked like, let alone experience it. He opted for the sideways not-lying answer.

 _I'll get through._

 _You were crying,_ Erza admitted finally. _I saw._

 _I just feel…_

He looked across the guildhall, wondering how much to tell her. How much she wanted to know. She was asking because she cared, but how much would she care about?

Erza had followed his gaze and was staring at the boisterous group with Natsu at its center.

 _Do you wish you were over there?_ she asked.

 _I can't talk with any of them. There wouldn't be much point. I don't even…my laugh isn't hardly a sound, like other people's. I'd be a downer._

 _Natsu doesn't think so,_ she signed. Gray was grateful she signed it, instead of saying it. Natsu had super hearing, but he could only see their signing if he was looking.

Gray shook his head.

 _I'm not like that. I don't do those kinds of things—groups and people and touching and…happy things. I can't do that: I'm broken, and I'm not, it's not…_

 _It's okay,_ she signed, reaching out in clear view to put a hand on his knee. _You don't have to be like that._

 _But I do,_ he signed, desperately, feeling his fingers sweating. He was alone. He sometimes had Natsu, and sometimes Erza, and occasionally Lucy or Happy, but when each of them went off to be with all the other myriad people in their lives, he was left alone.

That was all he would ever be.

 _I'm just in a bad mood,_ he signed finally, not quite meeting her eye.

 _Okay. That's alright. And you know…I'm not going anywhere. Neither is Natsu. You'll always have us. You're not broken; you're simply you._

Hah. Yeah. Like he'd believe that one. Words like that just meant that he _was_ broken, the person simply didn't care. Or didn't think they did.

But everyone left you at some point, didn't they?

 _How's Kagura?_ he asked.

Erza flushed red immediately, but it was a smile that twitched on her face, Erza biting her lip and trying to contain it.

 _She's good. We had a good time catching up._

 _Lucy said you stayed up until dawn._

 _Not quite._ Erza laughed. _She's not wrong though, I guess; we were up really late. It felt…good. Catching up. We click really well, you know? As people. It's so easy to talk._

 _People like that are worth holding onto,_ Gray signed, wondering where this wisdom had come from. He'd never managed to hold onto anyone.

 _Yeah, they really are._

They lapsed into stillness, both sipping their drinks. Gray was starting to taste the alcohol as something sour now, and wondered if that meant he needed to stop drinking or have more.

 _You going to hang out with her again—?_ Gray began, but Erza held up a finger and whipped her eyes up to follow someone, expression falling into a confused frown.

Gray watched where she was looking and saw Laxus walking purposefully across the hall, a concerned look in his eyes.

Gray didn't know what made him look over, but he sought out Natsu and discovered, to his surprise, a similar expression. Natsu was looking in the same direction Laxus was heading: toward Gajeel.

What on earth?

"What do you think that's about?" Erza asked, fascinated as Laxus sat down next to Gajeel and said something which made Gajeel look up quickly. She looked over at Gray, bemused.

 _I don't know,_ he replied. _But it's weird._

 _No fucking kidding._

* * *

Natsu was hardly paying attention to the other conversations around the hall—he rarely did; it would get too distracting. So he'd hardly registered the conversation between Levy and Gajeel, letting it pass through his subconscious:

"So Lucy and I were talking books—don't give me that look, Gajeel!—and she mentioned something about magic compatibility so I found the book downstairs—"

At 'magic compatibility,' Natsu whipped around.

"What's this?" Gajeel grunted as Levy shoved a book in front of him.

"Answers."

"I know all about magical compatibility," Gajeel grumbled. "It's a dragon thing, and it sucks, and I hate it. Go away."

"You don't know this, trust me. It says here that—"

"What the actual fuck?" Cana exclaimed next to Natsu. "No way. You can't be serious. Mira! That's the funniest thing I've heard this whole year!"

Irked, Natsu twirled off his stool and marched toward Gajeel—and saw Laxus had just reached him.

Seeing Laxus and Natsu approaching, Levy raised a knowing eyebrow and skittered away, leaving Gajeel looking depressed and hanging his head over the book.

Gajeel. Depressed. These concepts did not usually go together.

"Hey, metalhead," Natsu called as Laxus sat down and opened his mouth.

Gajeel looked between the two of them and narrowed his eyes. "What?"

Natsu slid onto the bench across from them and beamed.

"So I heard—we heard—Levy mention something about magical compatibility…"

" _Fuck off,_ " Gajeel hissed, spitting in his distaste.

"Calm down," Laxus said. "We're not insulting you."

"So." Natsu smiled his most charming smile and raised his eyebrows. "You finally met someone who matches you?"

"Fuck you," Gajeel grumbled, but it was less furious and more petulant.

Natsu and Laxus looked at each other. Yup.

"You hadn't before?" Laxus asked in surprise. "I did years ago. I thought it wasn't that uncommon to find people who are a magical match."

"I used to, too," Natsu explained, watching Gajeel. "But this dude has said it's rarer for him. So I think it differs. Sting meets a different compatible person every week. He's always trying to make Rogue jealous by talking about it."

"I'm sure Cheney loves that," Laxus snorted, rolling his eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, it's my first fucking one, I'm so behind on everything, yada yada," Gajeel growled. "Now will you fuck off?"

"Soooo," Natsu grinned, "who issss iiiit?"

Laxus reached across the table to cuff his head. "Shut up. This is serious."

Natsu shrugged. "Sorry."

And Laxus was right: Gajeel had sunk down in his seat looking more defeated than ever.

"You realize we're the only people who understand what that feels like, right?" Laxus said.

"There's nothing to talk about," Gajeel said. "I felt it once. Smelled the same…person the other day. It's just weird. I don't get it. I don't have to. It's stupid."

"Oh my gods," Natsu huffed, staring up at the ceiling. "Do I need to call Rogue and get him in on this?"

"What? No!"

"If you're not going to talk to us, you'll for sure talk to him," Natsu said.

Laxus looked between them. "He will?"

"They're foster brothers or something," Natsu said. "Rogue is Gajeel's soft spot. Gajeel will tell him anything. Won't you?"

Gajeel bared his teeth.

"Thought so," Natsu grinned. He looked around. "Hey, Erza! Got a communication lacrima on you?"

* * *

Gajeel was utterly mortified when Natsu _actually called up Rogue and Sting. On the lacrima. All serious and everything._

This would be a good fucking time for hell to come swallow him up for his deserved torture or whatever.

"Hey, Gajeel-san!" Sting beamed, full of bouncy energy like usual. Gajeel wasn't sure how Rogue could stand to be around that every day. "Laxus-san, too. Yo!"

"Yo," Laxus said, sounding as enthusiastic as Gajeel felt.

"What's going on?" Rogue asked, nudging Sting aside so he could come more into view.

"Hey, Raios," Gajeel sighed.

"It's Rogue," Rogue said, giving a long-suffering eye-roll. "So what did you do this time?"

"I didn't do anything. I don't know why you always think I'm in trouble."

"He met someone with compatible magic," Natsu interrupted. "For the first time."

"Oooohhh." Sting and Rogue both nodded in understanding.

Fucking dammit, did everyone know what it felt like but him? Until now.

"It's weird," Gajeel said, squirming.

"You'll get used to it," Sting said confidently. "The push and pull of different people…I've come to ignore it most of the time now. Sometimes it's really strong, and that usually means it's someone who I'll be able to be good friends with."

"Aren't you good friends with everyone?"

"He is," Rogue agreed, leaning in front of Sting's protestations. "But he's also right. It doesn't have to mean anything, Gajeel. It's probably a good sign: means you're meeting more people finally."

"What's that supposed to mean?!"

"That is a good sign," Laxus chortled.

Gajeel rounded on him, then on Natsu, who cracked up. "Hey!"

"I'm sorry, Gajeel," Rogue said, sounding truly apologetic. "And I'm not trying to invalidate your feelings. But…there's no actual _reason_ to get twisted up in a knot over it, okay? Whoever this person is, they're just a person. If they're good or bad, if you find them attractive or not, it's okay. Matching doesn't mean you're stuck with them. You're not going to end up with the first person you meet who's compatible with you."

"Oh really?" Gajeel scoffed. "You did."

"I—well—but—that's different," Rogue stuttered.

"Yeah," Gajeel smirked. "You slept in the same bed for years before you asked him out—"

"You make it sound like a bad thing," Sting said with a wink, while Rogue made frantic hand motions as if to shut them both up. He had turned bright red, and Gajeel felt some semblance of dignity again. Take that, little brother.

"I think," Laxus said slowly, "that the reason he's moping is because he doesn't _want_ it to be nothing."

They all blinked at Laxus, then at Gajeel.

"What? No! I don't—I hardly even know him!"

"Oo, it's a 'him,' " Sting said.

"Isn't it usually?" Natsu interjected. "Gay Dragon Slayers and all that."

"I've felt magic compatibility with women, too," Laxus said.

Rogue nodded. "We all do, Laxus, but again, just because you're magically compatible doesn't mean you're even attracted to each other or compatible in any other way."

"Okay, point ceded," Laxus grunted.

" _You_ only like men, after all," Natsu cackled.

"So do you," Laxus said.

"Yeah, and I'm proud of it."

Laxus stuck his chest out. "Who said I wasn't?"

"Guys." Rogue pinched his forehead. "Can we not fight right now? Gajeel needs help, remember?"

"I don't need help," Gajeel scoffed, while Natsu and Sting said, "Sorry." Laxus stayed quiet.

"Yes, you do, baka," Rogue said, and Gajeel deflated, because Rogue was the only person who could talk to him like this, and when Rogue did, it was because Rogue was right.

Rogue was, despite being an idealistic child who made questionable choices when it came to his boyfriend, very good at reading people. _Because you stalk people from the shadows and watch them like a creep,_ Gajeel used to tease him, and ruffle his hair, back when Rogue had still been younger than him. (Rogue hated the hair-ruffling, which was precisely why Gajeel did it.)

"So. You like him."

Gajeel put his head on the table. Fuck this.

"I'm not talking about this in front of everybody," he groaned.

"Fine," Rogue sighed. "Laxus, Natsu, it was nice talking to you. Sting, you too: go away."

"Me too?" Sting whined.

"Yes. I love you and you're annoying."

"Love you too," Sting grumbled, and kissed Rogue on the lips.

Gajeel had a moment of wondering what that would be like: to kiss someone so casually, and say you loved them, and hear it back. To call up your friends together, and have nobody wonder why you were sharing the same space, leaning into each other, living in the same house. To just be, and be together.

Laxus and Natsu both blessedly left, finally leaving Gajeel at a silent table.

"First of all, who exactly are we talking about here?" Rogue asked.

"It's…" Gajeel sighed. "That guy in Crime Sorciere. Cobra. He used to be a fugitive. Got pardoned after the Alvarez war."

"Ah. Is that where you met him?"

"No, I first met him before that. Council sent me to catch him while I was working for the Knights. Almost did, except he and I ended up doing this job together, freeing a bunch of kids. They kinda reminded me of you," he teased, smiling at the lacrima.

"Har har," Rogue said. "So that's how you met?"

"Yeah. Talked minimally, for obvious reasons. At the end…I told him I'd catch him next time."

"Sounds flirty," Rogue said calmly.

Gajeel winced. "Yeah. Maybe. Anyway, I didn't see him again until the other day."

"At all?" Rogue asked in surprise.

"What? I'm busy. He's busy. It's not like we're friends."

"Yet."

Gajeel sighed again. "Yet," he agreed.

"Another Slayer," Rogue mused, tapping his lips. "Those connections are special."

"Really," Gajeel grunted, feeling his face flush again. He was getting tired of blushing.

"Yes, really. I know a thing or two about it." Rogue smiled. "With Sting…it's never been anyone else for me. I know they all say they get that connection with multiple people, but for me…I've never felt compatible with another person in my life. Sting's the only one. And because he's a dragon and feels it in return, that makes it special. We're…connected in an extra way."

"That's really sappy and romantic," Gajeel grumbled.

"Yeah, um." Now Rogue was blushing. Well, at least it was both of them. "I mean, it is. I've…I've never worried about losing him. I know it should be the opposite: out of all the Dragon Slayers, you and I should be the most worried, right? Because what if I were to never find someone else—what if Sting is it for me out of everyone on the entire planet? But because he's a Dragon Slayer too… I can't explain it: I just know he's not going anywhere. That certainty is really nice. I don't know if it's magic or whatever, but I've often wondered. And, well, that might be what you're feeling too."

"What, because I can't get this guy out of my fucking head?"

"Yes. Because you're interested and you hardly know him. You're attracted to him and, might I say, have a crush on him, and are in a funk because of it. _That_ isn't normal. I don't mean that in a bad way: I mean that this is special. And that's _okay._ It's alright to be in a knot over someone. That's kind of how emotions go, Gajeel."

"Really. Because it fucking sucks."

"I won't argue there."

"I just…want to get it over with."

"Why don't you meet up with him for real? At least chat?"

"What on earth would we talk about?" Gajeel exclaimed, scandalized—his skin tingled at the very idea. Talking with Erik. Seeing him up close, face to face, feeling that connection and actually looking him in the eyes and…what? What would happen then? "It's just all weird. I don't know."

"Gajeel Redfox, get off your ass and do something about this. You'll be upset and weird until you do. You can either do things to get your mind over it, or go and meet up with him; moping is not an option, do you hear me?"

"Says you," Gajeel said. "You can't tell me what to do."

"Can't I?" Rogue asked snippily, sticking his nose in the air. "Watch me. Go. And. Do. Something."

"Yeah, alright, I'll do something. Dunno how to get over someone, though."

"I find meeting up with the person does wonders," Rogue said, unable to hide his sly smile.

"Oh, har. I'll think about it."

"Good. That's the best anyone can ask of you."

"Is that supposed to be an insult?"

"No, I mean you're the master of your own future. Your life is on you. You make your life happen. Or not."

"Ugh. That's exciting and fucking scary all at once."

"You're telling me," Rogue laughed, rubbing his arms. "The future terrifies me. But that's why I have Sting. I swear he doesn't think beyond tomorrow."

"Better than the Salamander. He doesn't think beyond the next meal."

Rogue laughed, a rich, rolling sound, and Gajeel smiled thinking about how Sting always declared loudly that Rogue's laugh was the best sound in the world. The man had a point: Rogue's laugh could make anyone smile.

"Go kill it, brother," Rogue said, nodding his head. "You've got this."

"Thanks for the pep talk or whatever," Gajeel said, rolling his eyes.

"Any time. I'll make sure Natsu always calls me when you mope."

"Oh, ha."

They grinned at each other.

"Let me know how it goes," Rogue said.

"Yeah," Gajeel murmured. "Okay."


	4. Chocolate Milk

**Chapter 4: Chocolate Milk**

Mira loved the yearly holiday party. Christmas was, unarguably, her favorite time of year. People decorated, put up lights, smiled at each other in the streets. They bought presents and thought generously and gave to those they didn't know. It was the best time of year. She wished it could be all the time.

And she loved the party for the same reason. Everyone was happy and hearty and joyous; there were rarely fights, even between the people for whom fighting was a way of affection; and there were just _lots of people._ Mira thrived around people. She was an extrovert.

But she also craved affirmation, and her insecurities had always revolved around appearances, so parties created a great opportunity for her to start believing she was a terrible human being who couldn't make anything pretty and wasn't worth anyone's time.

She was taking a moment to breathe and try to push these feelings aside when Cana grabbed her arm.

Mira's first instinct was to snatch Cana's hands and lead her toward a chair.

"What are you doing up, hon? You're supposed to rest."

" _You're_ not resting," Cana said.

"I don't have a concussion."

"Whatever," Cana waved a hand. "Anyway, I was coming to get _you_ to sit down for a moment. You look stressed."

"I'm fine." Mira fluttered her fingers vaguely. "I love parties."

She wasn't used to Cana looking so seriously at her. Or touching her for that matter. Mira took a tight breath and realized she'd accidentally denied her lungs enough air.

"So sit down and enjoy it, Mira. Enjoy this wonderful party that you made happen." Cana tilted her head, lips twisting up—she had no idea how attractive she looked. "For me?"

"Okay," Mira said, head in a fog, "but only if you're there with me."

"Duh." Cana held up a bottle of schnapps. "Why do you think I brought this?"

Mira laughed and let Cana drag her to two convenient barrels, the pair of them perching with their backs to the wall, staring out over the boisterous guild. The decorations had come off really well—between Gray's ice and Elfman and Lisanna's tremendous help putting up holly and baubles, the hall looked exquisite. Well, to her at least.

"It looks so good," Cana sighed, looking around. "Every year. I don't know how you're so good at these things."

"Thanks," Mira said, barely able to more than whisper.

Cana swayed a little and Mira switched from embarrassed to concerned in an instant.

"Lean back more, hold onto me. You should not be drinking, actually."

"I'm not," Cana said, giving her a tired smile. "I know the bottle looks exciting, but it's actually got chocolate milk in it. I picked this bottle because it's opaque and you can't tell."

"Chocolate milk?"

"Like hot cocoa, but it doesn't have to be hot to be good." Cana beamed at her own brilliance.

"Okay, that is a good idea."

"Have some." Cana passed the schnapps bottle over. "I swear concussions aren't contagious."

Mira snorted and very nearly sprayed chocolate milk everywhere.

"You're ridiculous," she laughed.

When Mira next met Cana's eyes, Cana's smile was peaceful and happy, and Mira swallowed, basking in it, feeling herself relax at last.

"I noticed you didn't do Krampus," Cana commented.

"Well, you said it was scary."

"It's supposed to be scary."

"Yeah, but…" Mira bit her lip. "I think I just got tired of everyone telling me to dress up as 'Miz Klaus.' Like when the men get drunk and ask me to transform, and I always pick one of their wives' faces. I just…don't want people seeing my magic as being about beauty or looks. _I'm_ not about my looks. I'm actually a human being."

"You are," Cana nodded, watching her with so much depth and warmth that Mira returned to surveying the hall. "And you are beautiful, and it has nothing to do with what you look like."

 _Don't react._

Mira gave a high laugh and clasped her hands together. "Thank you."

"When you transformed into Krampus, you were beautiful. When you're exhausted and harried and grumpy, you're beautiful. All the time."

Mira couldn't help it now: her breath was coming in ecstatic bursts.

"Thank you, Cana."

"I just say it like I mean," Cana said. "Isn't Christmas about honesty?"

"I think it's about family," Mira laughed nervously. "And generosity."

"Well, then, I'm giving generous honesty to someone who is basically family. You're fantastic, Mira. Never let anyone tell you differently."

"Um. Wow. It…" She had to come up with some response. Something. Her mind was utterly blanked out by adrenaline. "It m-means a lot to hear you say that."

To her surprise, Cana let out a heavy sigh.

"I really suck at this," Cana mumbled.

Mira shook her head. "At what?"

Cana put her face in her hands, Mira's confusion deepening. Was this…sadness? Laughter? The concussion?

"Talking about my feelings," Cana muttered into her hands, peeking over her fingers at Mira. "Would you, um…"

Mira's heart hit the floor and she didn't bother trying to recover it. Who cared about an erratic pulse when Cana Alberona—

"…I want to be your girlfriend."

"Yes," Mira gasped, "I mean, I do too. I mean, can we? Is that—are you asking?"

The words filled the air and she clapped her hands over her mouth.

"Yes," Cana whispered, her eyes wide and hopeful, and then her face broke into a smile so wide it was like the snow had melted and spring had appeared.

A laugh escaped Mira's chest, and another, turning into giggles that edged on tears. Why the fuck was she crying?

"M-Mira…darling."

Mira giggled hysterically, and that got Cana laughing too, the pair of them soaking in the moment together, staring in each other's eyes.

"Y-Yes?" Mira said.

Cana bit her lip. "Can I lean on you?"

"Of course, my love. Always." Warmth filled her as she drew Cana's head down onto her shoulder. "I like you so much."

Cana hummed and pressed her face against Mira's neck, arms wrapping around Mira's waist. "You're making me blush."

" _Me_ making _you_ blush?" Mira laughed.

"Mm, no good at this," Cana grumbled. Mira could feel how fiery her skin was and ran her fingers through Cana's hair. This huge, impossible thing was so easy now.

"You're _very_ good at this," Mira whispered to her. "And you're also very pretty."

Cana chuckled and squeezed her.

"Now how are you enjoying the party?" Cana asked cheekily.

"A lot. A whole damn lot."

* * *

They alternated cuddling, chatting, and sharing the chocolate milk, curled happily in their corner behind the bar. At one point, Cana pointed across the hall toward a table.

"Okay, that is adorable. Laxus is making eyes at Freed, and I swear he probably has no idea he's doing it. And Freed doesn't either."

Mira turned to look, but was distracted by Evergreen appearing around the corner and heading toward them.

"Hey, you two. I'm, um…not interrupting?" she asked uncertainly.

"No," Mira said warmly, letting her smile communicate her happiness to Ever, who would figure out what that meant. Sure enough, Ever grinned back.

"What's up?" Cana asked, looking over from her perch on Mira's shoulder.

"Nothing much," Ever said. "It's just loud and I thought I'd find people I actually liked to talk to; ones who aren't being overly exuberant."

Mira laughed, Cana snorting.

"I relate with that," Cana said. "Why do you think I'm holed up here with this woman?"

"Yeah, what's your excuse, Mira?" Ever teased. "You adore people."

"Yeah, but I adore Cana more," Mira said, face heating up.

Ever _awww_ ed and Cana coughed in startlement before hugging her super tight.

"I like you," Cana whispered in her ear, and Mira could've flown.

"So whatcha doing besides cuddling your girlfriend?" Ever asked, hopping on another barrel and picking up Cana's schnapps bottle. "What the hell is in this?"

"Chocolate milk. Shh, it's my secret," Cana said. "But I'll share with you, because you're cool."

Chuckling, Ever took a swig and nodded her head in approval.

"And in answer to your first question, we were just watching your teammates," Cana said. "Laxus is Making Eyes."

"Ah, yes—wait, Laxus is?" Ever looked across the hall in surprise. "Usually when we're in public, the Eyes are from Freed."

The three of them peered at the table in question and found that, indeed, it was now Freed watching Laxus converse with Bickslow, Erza, and Wendy. So much adoration was etched on Freed's face that Mira was amazed Laxus couldn't feel that stare like warm sunlight.

"They're so moony," Ever sighed. "I really wish they'd get together already."

"Give them time," Mira said, but Ever shook her head.

"They slept in a cute heap of snuggles on the sofa last week. Totally 'by accident,' but we all know they both just wanted to cuddle each other. I'm sorry, but you can't cuddle someone and then _not_ clarify whether it's platonic or romantic."

"You and I cuddle all the time," Mira pointed out.

"Yes, and we explicitly established that it's platonic," Ever said.

"That's really sweet," Cana sighed. "All my cuddle partners turned into romantic somethings: either a relationship, or an awkward one-sided thing that eventually precluded cuddling."

"That's lame," Ever said.

"Tell me about it."

"I'm sorry to eradicate another platonic cuddle partner from your life," Mira said.

Cana sat up a little and blinked at her for several seconds.

"But I _want_ this to turn romantic."

They smiled at each other for a long moment, and Mira decided: this was the best Christmas she had ever had.

"You guys are sweet," Ever grinned. "Oh, look. They switched again."

The three turned their spying eyes on Laxus and Freed again. Freed was engaging passionately in whatever conversation was going on, hands moving as he spoke, and beside him, sitting far closer than anyone else at their table was, Laxus watched him with wonder in his eyes.

"I swear he worships the ground Freed walks on," Ever muttered. "I'm a little fed up with them. I want to wack them over the head and tell them to stop keeping each other waiting."

Cana chortled. "I doubt that would work on people as hard-headed as them."

"No, sadly."

"How long," Mira mused, "do you think it'll be before one of them catches the other at this?"

Cana and Ever looked back at the table.

"Honestly, soon," Cana admitted, as they watched Laxus lean forward to speak, and Freed sit back to gaze at him with the look of someone who knew the other so well they could admire each little quirk and tic the other had.

* * *

Laxus was happy.

It was very evident, and it made Freed happy to see. The way Laxus gestured, the tone of his voice; he wasn't tense or brooding. He'd actually let himself loosen up tonight. That was rare to see in Laxus around a lot of people.

It meant Laxus truly felt at home among his guildmates.

"Oh, come on," Bickslow scoffed, shaking his head at Laxus's words. "Natsu's taken on at least a hundred people at once before. I've seen it."

"Well, maybe that was after this. This story was a while ago."

"I believe it," Erza piped up. "Natsu does ask for help sometimes. He's not an idiot."

"But from a girl?" Bickslow asked skeptically.

Erza glared at him.

"I mean, okay, not like that, it's just…"

"It's like what?" Erza growled.

"I'm sorry I said that!" Bickslow backtracked. "What I actually meant was, he asked for help from Juvia?"

"That's what I'm saying," Laxus said.

"Even so," Wendy interjected, "that's not the weirdest team-up in the guild."

"Really?" Laxus raised an eyebrow. "Who else you got?"

Wendy glanced over at Erza.

"Lisanna and Erza," Wendy said, a little apologetic.

"We grew up together," Erza said. "That's not weird."

"Lisanna and Juvia," Freed interjected. "They teamed up for the S-class trials a few years ago. That was a weird team for sure."

While Erza and Bickslow nodded, he was surprised to see Wendy bite her lip.

"Not…as much as you think," she said.

"Why?" Freed asked. He didn't like to admit it, but he did enjoy gossip. Really, who didn't?

"I…shouldn't say," Wendy said, eyes skittering about. "Um…"

"It's a dragon thing," Erza and Freed realized together.

"Oo." Bickslow leaned forward on his elbows. "Now you _have_ to tell us."

While Wendy stuttered, Freed glanced over at Laxus for confirmation—

But Laxus wasn't watching the conversation: he was staring at Freed, head tilted, eyes crinkled up, relaxed and intent and awed…

It was the kind of look that made Freed's whole body flash warm.

It lasted a second, as their eyes met and Laxus's expression rapidly cleared to one of alarm, then one of I-swear-that-didn't-happen opacity.

Freed sucked in his breath, which made Laxus twitch, his eyes flicking to Freed's mouth before he blushed. There was something high and alive between them, tangible, and Freed rode that high into the closeness it permitted.

Gently, he put his hand on Laxus's leg.

It was Laxus's turn to suck in a breath, and now they stared at each other look windswept.

"I'm—sorry," Laxus stuttered, and though the words didn't make sense, Freed knew what they were meant for.

"Don't be," he said in a rush.

To the loud beating of his heart, Freed let the heat spread up his face, and he smiled wide.

Laxus burst out in a grin.

"Yo. People." Bickslow snapped his fingers. "Did you think of another weird team? You guys look fucking mischievous."

Freed and Laxus coughed, grinning privately at each other, trying to compose their faces.

Erza cleared her throat in a not-so-delicate way.

"Hey, Bickslow, this reminds me," she said. "There was a, uh, thing out back…"

"Huh? Oh, you mean the skating rink?"

"Yeah. I've been trying to get someone to go have fun with me, but Gray didn't want to and Natsu agreed with him for once. I know you like skating."

"I do." Bickslow beamed. "Lead the way, oh mighty warrior."

As the two trotted off, Wendy ducked away in another direction, and Freed turning to Laxus at their suddenly vacant table.

"We need to talk," Laxus said.

"Yes—yeah," Freed said, unsure where to put his hands, how to arrange his features. But he couldn't stop the love he felt from making its way into his eyes.

His expression caused Laxus to smile. Happily. Genuinely.

"The other night…" Laxus said.

"I'm sorry," Freed burst out. "I wanted it to mean a certain thing, and I was using you to get what I wanted emotionally."

"Me too."

"You…too?" Freed gulped, trying to get enough air.

"Yeah. Um. I'm sorry, I should've…we should've talked. But yeah. I mean, I could've woken you. And I didn't. Because. I didn't want to?"

They blinked at each other in silence.

"You—" Freed began, but his voice cut off when Laxus reached out and tentatively put a hand on his chest.

It was like getting emotionally punched in the stomach.

"You have a comfortable shoulder," Freed managed to eke out, raising a hand to place over Laxus's on his heart. "You are good at helping me relax and stop thinking and worrying. I slept very well on you."

He chuckled, and Laxus beamed, and his hand shifted across Freed's chest, up his sternum to his neck, fingers playing delicately over Freed's skin.

"I'm glad," Laxus rumbled, just as hesitant. "You're quite warm when you sleep."

"Sorry," Freed laughed.

"No, no, it kept me warm…"

Laxus ducked his head down in a gesture that was almost shy. The timidity was sweet in light of Laxus's usual confidence. Freed's chest felt tight as he breathed in, and when Laxus's hand fell away from his neck, Freed grabbed it and entwined their fingers.

Laxus's hair was tufted up in front, his scar showing up darker in the dim light—which meant he was blushing hard. Freed had always loved meeting his eyes, feeling connected to Laxus, the man who felt like Freed did and believed what Freed did and read the same books Freed did (some of them) and fought the same and had the same preferences and whose tics did not bother Freed nor vice versa…

Taking a rough breath, Laxus leaned in and Freed came to meet him, jerky and unsure. Neither seemed to know where this was going, so the awkwardly leaned their heads together. Then something resolved in Laxus's face and he tilted to the side, pausing with his mouth centimeters from Freed's.

Giving him a choice. Being very, very honest.

With a small gasp for courage, Freed pressed up into him. And they kissed.

His heart exploded as Laxus's lips moved against his, Freed's hands shaking until he gripped Laxus's shirt, his tongue finding Laxus's and making shivers run through Freed's insides. In a cautious, blind move, Laxus found his hand and laced their fingers together again, Freed's excitement shooting out of him at the speed of light.

"Freed," Laxus began.

Freed moaned.

The sound had a profound effect on Laxus, who cut off and bit Freed's lip, tugging with his teeth and making the sparks in Freed's gut bloom. They inhaled against each other and Laxus bit him again—

Across the hall, there was a hoarse, earth-shattering scream.


	5. À Mémoire

**Trigger warning** for descriptions of gore in flashbacks. If you want to skip, you'll know when it starts (it's clear the character is about to have bad memories), and just search ahead for "Gray!"

* * *

 **Chapter 5: À Mémoire**

Sighing, Mest smiled at the lights adorning Fairy Tail. He loved that they went all out every year. It wasn't just Christmas—Mira made sure to decorate for every possible December holiday on the day or week of, but Christmas was the day of the party, and so it held a special place in Mest's heart.

He'd come outside to smoke, a habit Lahar kept telling him to break, but the routine of stepping outside to sit by himself was a part of him and as hard to quit as smokes themselves.

Drifts of snow lay everywhere—it was fifty-fifty between ground and snow in Magnolia—and Mest tensed when he heard a crunching footstep.

"Knew I'd find you here," Lahar called, emerging from the trees. "You are predictable."

At the sound of his voice, Mest lightened, smile coming automatically. It always did around Lahar. More and more lately.

"Is that the real reason you keep telling me to quit?" Mest teased, motioning with his lighter. "I'm predictable?"

"No." In arm's reach now, Lahar snatched the lighter from him. "Maybe I want you to live a long time."

"Eh, living is overrated."

Lahar rolled his eyes. This banter was old hat between them. Lahar was always so sincere, and Mest liked both his sincerity and being able to make Lahar drop his solemnity and smile.

Not to mention Lahar brought out Mest's sincerity. There were exactly three people in his life who could do that. It had to be someone he trusted with his heart, and Lahar…

Lahar was stupidly austere, pragmatic, and thin-lipped, and Mest had fallen for him.

Those thin lips pursed as Lahar surveyed him.

"Did something happen?" Mest asked, frowning.

"No, sorry. I actually just came…to say hi."

Lahar's smile tipped up and he looked away with pleasant awkwardness Mest found endearing.

"I appreciate it. I like saying hi to you, too," Mest said. "You haven't actually said it though."

"Hi," Lahar chortled.

"Hi." They grinned at each other.

After a moment, Mest dropped the cigarette into a snow bank.

"There. Happy?"

Lahar gave him an unimpressed look, but shrugged. "Quitting takes small steps to reach the goal."

"You're only saying that because if I went cold turkey you'd have to put up with my whiny ass," Mest teased.

Lahar smiled.

"I could put in for an office transfer."

"They wouldn't do it, though. You may be their golden boy, but they don't have spare office space for mere Officers like us and they like you and me as a team."

"Well, duh. We're efficient and we get along."

"We get shit done. They like results."

"And we get along," Lahar repeated. "When the Officers can't cooperate, everything breaks down. I've seen it happen in other units, and in past units I've been assigned to."

"Oh-ho," Mest said, grinning wider, "are you holding your longer experience over me now?"

"Yes," Lahar said snootily—Mest knew he was joking, but it was also funny how well he could put on arrogance.

"You might have long experience, but I have length in the places where it counts."

Lahar choked, flushing red, and Mest burst out laughing.

"You are…insoluble," Lahar chuckled indignantly.

"Of course I am. I'm a human, not a problem."

"You're definitely not a problem," Lahar said gently, the teasing quite suddenly gone from his voice. His gaze flicked shyly to Mest's and back to the ground.

Mest try to speak and had to cough.

"I, um, appreciate you coming by. It's been weird going a full three days without seeing you."

"It has been weird," Lahar agreed.

"But we're supposed to take a holiday. That means from each other, too." Mest winked.

But Lahar just maintained his enigmatic smile.

"I appreciate you not smoking around me," Lahar said seriously.

"Who says it was for you?" Mest said. He was flustered and confused now. The teasing had changed. It had become something else.

"Fine then," Lahar laughed. "I appreciate you, then."

"Me?" Mest chuckled, trying to make it a self-deprecating joke.

Lahar nodded. "Everything about you."

For a brief second, Lahar looked at him, and Mest's mouth opened and couldn't close, because he was so shocked by the bare, honest affection there. No formality or mockery to cover it up. Truth.

Mest's smiling gaze was far away now, so Mest touched his arm, still unable to speak. When that did not make Lahar turn back to him, Mest touched his cheek and turned his head bodily around.

"Hey," Mest said softly, not sure what to say next. They'd been dancing around this for ages now with jokes and teases, but now the music had stopped and they had to decide whether to keep going on their own power.

"Mest? Um…?" Lahar said, as if Mest had forgotten where his fingers were—as if he could.

Mest shook his head jerkily and Lahar turned thoughtful, inspecting Mest's face. Mest's scars. The warped lines of him.

And that realization broke the moment.

"I'm—sorry," Mest muttered, pulling away and ducking down, hoping his hair would cover the gouges.

But now it was Lahar touching _his_ chin, pulling his gaze back up. Lahar's quiet smile was so beautifully infectious that Mest smiled back, but he tipped his head to the side so the bad cheek would be hidden.

"Don't," Lahar said. "Please."

"That side's not as pretty. I am disfigured, you know," Mest teased.

Lahar's expression hardened to a glare.

"In accurate medical terms, you are scarred. And yes, so I've known ever since I met you. Regardless, you're handsome. I see nothing wrong with you. You are not marred—"

Mest slid a hand around Lahar's neck and kissed him.

It was gentle, despite interrupting, and Lahar made a small sound like a kitten. After that stunning first moment, he kissed Mest back with something singularly wanting. A subtle push forward, like Lahar wanted more. Wanted him.

They were connected.

Holy shit. So this was what they'd been scared of.

Inhaling shakily, Mest leaned their foreheads together, matching Lahar's smile. When he'd caught his breath, though, Lahar tipped him back in again, sliding his hands around Mest's waist and pulling him close. The kiss was more eager now, exploratory. Like lips that were thirsty had found water.

Mest curled his fingers in Lahar's hair and Lahar whispered against his mouth, "See? Nothing wrong with you."

Mest's heart trembled and he could've flown, could've cried, could've conquered the world. He opted for the best thing of all: kissing Lahar more deeply.

It was intense and personal and intimate, and Mest knew things would never be the same between them, but he didn't actually care.

He was okay giving this power to Lahar, letting Lahar possess him. Thick, heady feelings swirled around Mest's mind and he released all the hard things inside his soul. He let go.

* * *

Gray was happy. Surprisingly. Natsu had consented to sitting with him—at least, he hadn't pushed Gray away when Gray squeezed in beside him, and he'd included Gray in the conversation, and now had his hand actually wrapped halfway around Gray's waist. It was making Gray's insides leap every other minute.

Gray wasn't sure if it was just to keep Gray from falling off the precipitous edge of the bench, or because Natsu knew what this time of year did to Gray's psyche, or for an entirely different reason.

It had quieted down a bit, and now their conversation consisted merely of them, Levy, and Lucy, a group which Gray felt okay with and who also knew enough sign to understand him with only occasional help from Natsu. Gray was actually participating in the conversation, too.

As Lucy interrupted (she and Levy had been finishing each other's sentences all night), Gray felt a wash of cold down his insides and shivered.

This happened sometimes. Dread, from nowhere. He let it hit his toes and roll out of him.

It didn't roll out. The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end, and then another icy wave hit, and another, feeling more and more like actual cold: cold like he hadn't felt since he was a child, or those times when adulthood had forced him to face the monsters of his past.

Memories hit him and Gray gagged.

There was Deliora, and he watched that foot come down, a claw ripping his best friend in half from head to toe.

Next Gray sat tied-up in an unfamiliar building, a dark guild he'd stumbled on while crossing the mountains into Bosco. There was the cat he'd inadvertently picked up on his aimless journey, who had saved Gray as much as he'd saved her. She was the first and possibly creature who loved Gray, and she was not put out by his inability to speak.

One of the dark mages held the kitten up by the scruff. She yowled and Gray strugged, and as they laughed, they took a knife—

Agonizing minutes ticked by as Gray watched his intestines coming out of his gut. The flesh was ripped away and all the insides exposed, Deliora's filth in the wounds. Around him, the city burned, and behind him, his mother was a bloody pile. Deliora was gone now, and the valley was utterly silent. Gray felt like the last person on earth. And soon he too would be dead.

Gray was aware of thrashing on the bench, clapping his hands over his eyes, a frantic voice outside his head.

These were the deliberately forgotten memories. It was all dark here.

He was beaten by those who were supposed to be kind. To take care of him. They'd taken him in as family, Gray praying he didn't kill them like he'd killed his first two, and they'd finally given him a life again. But they'd asked him a question and told him to stop signing, to speak. And Gray couldn't. So his ear was ringing and his shoulder ached, and as he curled up in a scared ball in that sunlit kitchen, a far older memory dislodged, of his father beating him. But that wasn't right, couldn't be right, because Silver had been a kind and loving father, Gray had loved him, that couldn't…

It was a solo job, and Gray was going to beat Natsu in monthly earnings. If he could only catch this fucking mage. He'd chased them through woods and fields, and now through a cramped, narrow maze of a town, and he needed to take fucking _stock,_ dammit, he was smarter than this.

Finally looking up, though, he realized: he knew this town. This cat-skinning border town where he'd killed someone for the first and last time with Ur's magic. He was older now, with a guildmark on his chest and self-control and he'd done penance for all that, hurt himself enough to make up for it, but it didn't matter. His ice went out of control, and then his quarry appeared, hands outstretched—

Gray barely made it back to Fairy Tail, blacking out from blood loss. He woke to Natsu, and immediately his chest burned with shame and the expectation of Natsu's mockery at winning this time, but Natsu actually looked concerned. When Gray began inspecting his wounds, he discovered he was missing several toes. Part of him, gone. Forever.

It was the whole team on the mission this time, thank gods, but something activated the curse they'd come to stop. To his horror, he watched people igniting suddenly, viciously, while Natsu tried to eat up the flames—sobbing, because he couldn't get all of them and people were dying and it was the first time Gray had ever seen him so freaked out.

In the midst of the fire, Gray tripped over a girl, hardly older than he was when his life was destroyed, her body covered in burns, and he wanted to ice over them, to stop the incessant bleeding, but they'd realized it was using magic which caused the fires to ignite and he couldn't risk killing any of the people around them, and so he had to walk away from her as her hands reached for him and her body dripped blood.

That was the first time he and Natsu slept together after a mission, holding each other so tight and feeling each other's tears.

Among all the horrific memories, there was one that hurt in a very different way. This memory was all feelings, not much to see, because Gray had been crying too hard. He could only see the outline of his childhood nightmare crumbling and sliding way to the sea.

As Ur saved him for the final time, he knelt and wrapped his arms around himself, telling himself it was over, and feeling over the scars on his body, each and every one of which had happened because a demon destroyed his childhood. That was how Natsu found him in the cave, right as Gray was touching the scars from where he'd first tried to kill himself—

They were obvious scars, if you actually looked at them.

There was Natsu's horror, yelling at Gray until Gray promised not to do it ever again. Natsu wrapped himself around Gray, his tears wetting Gray's neck, and Gray had felt something he hadn't expected emerging in his heart. It terrified him.

A few weeks later, he had a panic attack, one of hundreds but the first one Natsu witnessed, and it had been traumatic for both of them, Natsu wanting to help but scared to touch him even after Gray assured him it was over. It was a big ball of messy Gray never wanted to think about again. Natsu had gotten better in future times; but that first time, the horrible sense of having fallen in love with someone he could never truly love crushed Gray.

That once, he'd seriously considered breaking his promise to Natsu and ending his life. Because when would he ever be anything more than broken?

The team walked down a lane when they heard a painful bleating, and Gray looked over in time to see a man kick his cat—

It was the first time he ever _enjoyed_ hurting someone. Natsu had to pull him off the man, and Gray never regretted what he'd done. When had he gotten so cold?

Gray watched Natsu get pierced through his gut. Straight through. The shock on Natsu's face. Gray knew that pain, knew what it felt like to be leaking out of your own body and the burning white pain as you tried to hold things inside you—

Gray cried out. For the first time in a decade, he tried to speak, to get Natsu's attention. But it was a mockery: he didn't know how to use his voice anymore, and all that came out were formless vowels.

Natsu looked around in confusion, looking the wrong direction, before he blacked out.

Gray carried him back, slick blood making it hard to hold onto him, Natsu's beautiful face grey, all the life leached out of him, all the joy. Natsu's light had winked out. The whole way Gray wondered if Natsu was dead, if Gray had failed him and Natsu would leave him forever and he would be alone. The guild would blame Gray and he would die with no one loving him, because his life was worth nothing.

"Gray!"

Natsu was screaming at him, voice right in his ear, those burning hands on his shoulders.

"Gray, what's going on? What happened?"

Gray opened his mouth and felt silent cries clog his throat.

He finally managed to heave one hand vaguely toward his head.

 _Remember._

Natsu jolted and his grip redoubled, arms clasping Gray tight until Gray was enclosed against his chest.

And now Gray could hear the other voices everywhere, the chaos reigning.

"Why is he screaming; what's going on?"

"Did Gray make that sound?"

"Is this an attack?"

"Memories," Natsu croaked out. "Something forced his memories to return. He…he had Mest hide some of them, some of the worst, and…someone's just made him remember them. R-Relive them," Natsu added in a whisper. "Fuck."

Gray's mouth opened and he wanted, he truly wanted, to call Natsu's name. The same way Natsu always called his.

" _Mmmuaa…"_ So hoarse, and his tongue was clumsy and fat. _"Nnnn…n-nodsh…"_

"Shh, it's okay, snowflake," Natsu said brokenly, rocking them back and forth. "I've got you. You don't have to."

Gray let out his breath, his teeth chattering. He felt so helpless, so trapped, but Natsu was holding onto him and Natsu wouldn't let him go flying off into the dark.

There were still sounds everywhere, but Gray only focused on them in an ancillary way: people were leaving the guild, going out to find the source, seeking the cause. _Who attacked him, who_ dared _attack our family, I'm pounding them through the nearest wall…_

"I've never heard him scream," Lisanna said quietly, close at hand.

"Yeah," Natsu said. His voice cracked, weariness and sorrow mixing in his tone. "I only have a few times. Which I'm very glad of. You should never have to scream, snowdrop. Never."

* * *

Freed stared. Everyone stared, at the table off to the side where Natsu was trying to contain a Gray gone berserk, thrashing and sobbing and crying out in the most painful sound Freed had ever heard from anyone.

"What the—?" someone shrieked.

"It's the past," Natsu shouted, looking up with protectiveness carved into every line of his face. "This happens. You'd panic too—!"

Natsu folded in around Gray, pressing their foreheads together and whispering words of comfort Freed couldn't hear.

Beside him, Laxus looked pale grey.

"Who the fuck is doing this?" Mira snarled, sliding over the bar and stepping toward their table. "How do we stop it?"

"You can't…" Natsu's voice broke. "He's not supposed to remember—hey, Gray? Gray! Shh, what's going on, sign to me…"

Then Natsu looked up again, and between his tears he poured out the truth.

Mest. It made sense to Freed, especially having such clearly dark things in one's brain, to have them erased. It also didn't sound completely healthy, but he wasn't going to pretend he knew anything about this situation.

At the moment, he just wanted to fix it.

"So someone's doing this." Cana was beside Mira, smacking her fist into her palm. "Someone's _fucking doing this._ "

That realization rippled through them all.

Laxus growled. He looked ready to kill someone. Freed found himself gripping his sword, and they weren't the only people to shoot to their feet or turn toward the guild doors. In seconds, it was a stampede, all of them running, Laxus clasping Freed's hand as they pressed with the rest of Fairy Tail out into the cold air and fanned out to find the culprit.

Someone was going to have their ass handed to them by Fairy Tail.

* * *

Everyone was mad on Gray's behalf. His family had rallied, and they were scary.

It made glad, vicious things leap in Natsu's chest.

He kept rocking Gray, feeling the tears sliding down his neck where Gray's face pressed.

"So this is an attack," Lisanna said, sitting down at a safe distance across the table.

"Maybe." Natsu shook his head. He'd been panicking before—still kind of was—but things were a little clearer now that was Gray wasn't screaming. "It could also be… I mean, maybe something just lifted the spell. Or it wore off."

"It feels like an attack," Lisanna said.

"I'm…less sure." Natsu looked down at the man in his arms, the exhausted slump of those so-familiar shoulders. He'd seen Gray like this many times before Gray asked Mest to cover up the worst of his past.

"He wanted to forget?" Juvia asked softly, perching beside Lisanna.

Natsu nodded.

"Isn't that…" Juvia bit her lip. "Unhealthy? To stuff everything?"

"It wasn't like that," Natsu sighed. "He remembers all of those events, even remembers the sketch of what happened in those…really bad ones. But the worst sensory parts, the—the images for instance, or the physical pain, or just the worst of the terror…that's what he asked Mest to mask for him. He didn't want to forget it all happened, b-but…" Natsu's voice broke. "He couldn't keep going like that. There was too much in his head."

Neither woman commented as Natsu wiped his face and wrapped Gray close again. He wasn't sure if Gray were asleep, or still reliving things, or simply processing and recovering and sinking into numbness: Gray was quiet and still, nothing but his even breaths indicating anything to Natsu beyond. Occasionally he shivered, excess adrenaline wearing off.

Natsu bent his head, heedless of the women watching, and tucked his mouth near Gray's ear.

"I love you," he whispered. "You're strong. You're okay with me. We're okay."

* * *

Gajeel was slower in leaving the guildhall than everyone else. He'd been reticent to go outside ever since smelling Cobra days ago. In the doorway, he ran into Erza, and they shared a look.

"This is not right," Erza said.

Gajeel grunted agreement.

Not that he would say he _liked_ Gray particularly, but he was an okay guy and he didn't deserve this. Nobody deserved this.

Gajeel's ears perked and he tilted his head to hear Natsu's words.

"Natsu seems to think it might be an accident," he said.

Erza nodded. "Would you…just check around the perimeter of the guild? I'm not sure what for, just…this isn't right. I'm going to see if Gray will communicate."

She headed back and Gajeel stepped outside, inhaling deeply as he left the warmth for the frosty, sunlit breeze.

As soon as he'd cleared the entryway and the confusion of everyone's scents, Gajeel smelled exactly what had happened. He stomped around the side of the guildhall.

"You," he growled, making Mest and Lahar startle. They were standing quite close.

"What's going on?" Mest asked. "We saw a lot of people just leave the guild."

"Gray remembered," Gajeel said.

Mest's face dropped into horror, his hands falling Lahar's waist to hang limply at his sides. "Oh. Oh shit…"

"What did you do?" Lahar asked.

"I think I…" Mest looked over at Gajeel's hard expression for confirmation and put his hands over his mouth. "I'm so sorry. Shitfuck."

"You better get back in there, headwizard," Gajeel said. "The boy's having a fucking panic attack."

"What?" Lahar gasped.

Mest shook his head, seeming unable to say.

"When you guys got handsy, he accidentally undid a spell," Gajeel said. "Memory spell."

Lahar, who had gone red at the word 'handsy,' paled.

"Mest. You didn't."

"He fucking did."

Mest finally gathered himself enough to shove off the wall and to his feet.

"Inside," Gajeel growled, tempted to pick the man up and carry him. "You're needed _now._ "

Lahar took charge.

"Come," he said, grabbing Mest's hand and dragging the stunned mage toward the doors. "You're going to make this right."

When they disappeared around the corner, Gajeel closed his eyes and sighed.

Why the fuck were there evil people in the world. It made him angry, furious—like everyone else out there, looking for someone to beat the shit out of.

He knew his guildmates' lives hadn't been perfect, some better and some worse. But hearing Gray Fullbuster screaming was a new level of awful.

"Wonder how the fuck I'm going to get that out of my nightmares," he growled at shrub, kicking the snow. He began to head inside again, then turned and headed into the woods.

Someone needed to call off the cavalry.

Gray's screams were haunting, and Gajeel wandered aimlessly through the forest, smelling lots of people but heading no particular direction.

Until he heard a twig snap—so fucking cliché he might've wondered if it was on purpose—and whirled around to the scent of Erik, Dragon Slayer of Crime Sorciere.

They stared at each other.

"Hey," Erik said.

"Hey." Gajeel nodded, but didn't stop scowling.

The man had his hands in his pockets, his jacket fur-lined and quite well-fitted, and he looked…fucking attractive.

Which, fuck, Erik could hear him thinking. _Fuck._

"Whatever you're thinking right now, I can't hear it," Erik said.

"Oh really?" Gajeel snorted.

"You have that look," Erik said. "That's why I'm guessing that's what you're thinking? But I can't."

"Thought that was your superpower."

"With some people."

Gajeel raised his eyebrows. He had not known that. For some reason, he'd been under the impression it was everyone.

"Just _most_ people," Erik said, rolling his eyes.

Screw it, the man apparently didn't need magic to read people's minds.

"What are all your guildmates scouring the forest for?" Erik asked.

"Someone they thought was attacking," Gajeel said, only then remembering why he was out there in the first place. Damn.

Erik's face darkened. "Me?"

"No—what? The fuck—no, not you. Someone else." Gajeel shook his head. "Turns out it wasn't an attack, just a big mistake."

"That the reason for the screaming and all the…?" Erik winced.

Shit. He'd overheard Gray's memories.

"Yeah," Gajeel said heavily.

"Pretty serious fucking mistake to make."

"Guess that's what happens when a guy who can change memories makes out for the first time," Gajeel shot back, face going warm against his will.

He was not encouraged at all to see Erik blush too.

"Ah," Erik said, looking down.

They both scuffed the dirt.

"So why were you following me the other day?" Erik asked, looking up again with challenge in his eyes—but it couldn't hide the uncertainty and question in them, too.

Gajeel glared. "Why were _you?_ "

"I asked first."

"You followed me first."

"Technically, you followed me first," Erik smirked. "All those years ago? Remember?"

"How could I forget?" Gajeel grunted, before he could take the words back.

Erik sobered.

"Yeah."

Gajeel inhaled.

"So. How many magically compatible people have you met so far in your life?"

Erik gave him a strange look. "That's where you're starting this conversation?"

"Well, you're awkward as hell, so yeah."

"So are you," Erik spat back.

"You still haven't answered."

"I don't have to answer your questions," Erik said. "You're not with the Knights anymore. Although I didn't listen to you back then, either."

"Because you can't, though," Gajeel said with sudden realization. "Is our—our magic the reason you can't hear my thoughts?"

When Erik inhaled deeply, something vulnerable flashed over his face and he nodded, looking at his toes.

"Yeah. At least, I assume so."

"Well, can you hear the thoughts of anyone else you're compatible with?"

"I don't know," Erik said. He looked up again. "So far it's just you."

Gajeel swallowed.

His arms were heavy at his sides, hands fat and thick and awkward. He didn't know what to do, what to say; how he'd been holding his body a moment before. Suddenly all the automatic things weren't working anymore, and Gajeel felt like he had to focus on even his heartbeat in order to keep it in line.

"You…too?" Erik asked in a whisper.

Closing his eyes, Gajeel nodded.

There. They'd both said it.

Now they could walk away. Now it could be over. Nothing had to come from this, like Rogue said; they might find other people, or they might not, but just because their magic liked each other didn't mean they had to as well. It didn't mean anything. Romance, affection, these were always a choice. Gajeel's life was a choice: very wise people like Belno and Makarov had taken a long time to teach him that.

"That feels much better," Erik said softly. "Having said that."

"Been hanging over you too?" Gajeel sneered, not sure why he was angry, why the sight of the man's face made him want to punch something.

"Yeah," Erik shot back. "Don't get snippy with me. Gods. Vent your anger where it belongs."

"That's the thing: I'm pretty sure it's your fault."

"I didn't ask for this!" Erik exclaimed. He twisted around and kicked a tree. "Fuck. So much for this."

"So much for what?"

"Nothing."

"Don't fucking pull that on me," Gajeel said, marching over to snatch his arm—Erik twisted around at the last minute, grabbing him by the throat and snarling.

"Don't fucking toy with me," Erik hissed. "I've had enough of people doing that in my life."

He released Gajeel quickly and Gajeel took a step back, rubbing his neck but finding his windpipe wasn't squashed.

"I wasn't trying to," he said, petulant.

"Yes, you were. You want me to say it first."

"Say what first—?"

"That I like you," Erik growled. "There, you fucking coward. Enjoy your fucking victory."

Erik spun around and darted through the trees at something too dignified for a run but not dignified enough for a walk. A skittish canter.

"Come back here."

Gajeel hurried after him, Erik speeding up as Gajeel closed in.

"Just—stop a fucking minute, asshole!" Gajeel said.

He got his fingers around Erik's arm and whirled the man to face him, letting go just in case Erik tried to attack again. But Erik kept his hands to himself.

"Are you done?" Erik demanded. He looked pained, his racing heart loud in Gajeel's ears, and Gajeel didn't want him to look like that, didn't like doing this to him, mocking him, hurting him; he wanted this to be easy and friendly and godsdamn happy if it were possible.

"I'm sorry," Gajeel said in a quiet voice, ducking his head.

Silence stretched.

"Is that all?" Erik asked, but he still looked uncertain, like he expected Gajeel to lash out and bite him.

Oo, bite him.

"Fuck," Gajeel mumbled.

"Maybe we should start with a conversation," Erik said, voice a little snide, but Gajeel realized he was quoting someone.

Chortling, Gajeel enjoyed that Erik laughed along with him, and asked, "So your friends are giving you help too?"

"They're fucking useless," Erik snorted.

"Mine are mostly. Rogue's not bad though; probably helps he's a Slayer."

"They're the only ones who understand," Erik agreed.

"Not all of them." Gajeel raised an eyebrow. "Everyone else in my guild is swimming in potential mates."

"Lucky bastards," Erik laughed. "Or not. Too many fucking choices."

"Choices suck," Gajeel agreed, grinning. "Give me my one restaurant with the one dish I like. The one ryokan I always visit. The one table in the guild where I know there'll always be an open seat."

"The one comfy pillow," Erik agreed. "The one fucking jacket—who the fuck needs more than one? That's what laundry is for."

"What is laundry?" Gajeel asked, bursting into laughter at the horrified look on Erik's face. "I'm kidding. I smell as well as you do, remember?"

"Jellal still makes fun of me for washing my sheets every other day."

Gajeel shivered. "Anything less and you can _hear_ the dead skin cells and other nastiness crawling all over them."

Erik made an equally disgusted face, and Gajeel raised an eyebrow.

"You can't actually hear them, can you?"

"No, thank goddess. But the smell is enough. And don't get me started on crowds."

"I don't even like most people's individual scents," Gajeel admitted. "I tolerate it—it's not like it makes me gag—but there's only a few I actually like."

 _Yours is one of them._

"Yeah," Erik chuckled, "I hold that over my guildmates' heads sometimes. There's only a dozen people I've met who I truly don't mind."

"For me it's just three," Gajeel said, a little surprised.

"Really? So just your teammates?"

"Levy and Lily, yeah," Gajeel said, scratching his neck. "And you."

Erik blushed an attractive shade, his brown skin darkening.

"I…" Erik blinked, for the first time wordless.

"No need to say anything," Gajeel grunted, feeling just as embarrassed. "I hope your dozen people are the dozen you interact with most."

"Thirteen," Erik coughed.

"Pardon?"

"Thirteen people. I…I like your scent, too."


	6. Monsters Make Good Lovers

**Chapter 6: Monsters Make Good Lovers**

Erza approached slowly, watching the only other people in the hall, all three aiming concerned expressions at Gray. Natsu was holding him, which was good; if Natsu was there, Gray had a chance at calming down.

"Hey," she said, stopping a meter from the two men and crouching down to be non-threatening. She nodded at Natsu. "How's it going?"

Natsu wiped his wet eyes.

"He's alright. We're alright. As much as…you know."

Erza shifted until she could see Gray's face. To her surprise, his eyes were open, gaze on nothing as his cheek rested on Natsu's chest.

 _Hey,_ she waved, snagging his attention after a moment. _'Sup._

Gray shifted slowly, like a defrosting flower, and freed one of his hands.

 _H-I,_ he fingerspelled, their age-old tease when any one of them was in a sarcastic mood.

 _Can I do anything?_ she asked.

 _No._

 _Okay,_ she replied, accepting that. He had Natsu. Her hands moved more hesitantly: _Did you remember…?_

 _Everything._

 _All of it…?_

 _Everything._

 _I'm sorry._

 _So is everyone,_ Gray signed, eyes dead, but then he shifted in Natsu's arms and met her gaze. _Everyone went running off for me._

 _They care about you. You're our family. If any of us…you would too._

 _Yeah,_ he admitted. _I would. Still._

 _You're worth it, too,_ she insisted, glancing up at Natsu's concerned face. _We're strong together. For each other. I suck defending myself. But that's when I'm grateful I have you guys at my back. It's mutual._

Gray closed his eyes for a moment, a tear leaking out.

 _Thank you._

Nodding, Erza rose and turned to Natsu. He had a knowing look, and she knew it wasn't even worth trying to suggest to him what Gray needed, because Natsu knew better than anyone except Gray himself. Sometimes, he might know better than Gray.

"Let me know if you need anything," she said, and Natsu nodded.

When she reached the bar, she realized she didn't know what she was heading for; Gray's sadness and the aching in her chest were occupying everything.

Amid all that, thinking about loneliness and the fear that could sometimes lead people to do stupid things, another face came to mind. She reached for the guild's communication lacrima.

* * *

Natsu didn't move for a long time. He was comfortable like this, and Juvia and Lisanna eventually scooted off to give him and Gray privacy. That was good: fewer people was better for Gray. Just the two of them…Natsu liked that best.

Gray shifting got Natsu to reshuffle, but Gray pushed out of his arms completely and fear spiked in Natsu's chest.

When Gray was upright and they could stare at each other, though, Gray slid his legs across Natsu's lap. They were now touching as much as before but had hands free. Ah.

Gray inspected Natsu's eyes for a long moment, then dropped his gaze to Natsu's chest.

"How are you doing, snowflake?"

Gray nodded.

"You don't have to be," Natsu said.

 _But…I think I am._

 _Okay._

Natsu watched as Gray trailed his gaze over Natsu's guildmark and several scars that were visible on his uncovered arm, then looked down at his own arms, caressing the many layered scars there. After a minute, Natsu reached out and tentatively followed Gray's fingers with his own, sliding along a deep one on his wrist.

 _I'm sorry,_ Gray signed with his free hand.

"I love you," Natsu whispered, still watching the scar under his fingertips.

Gray jerked like the words had poked him, hurt him.

"Hey…" Natsu began.

 _I'm broken,_ Gray signed. _I'm a bunch of pieces._

 _I like you the way you are._

Gray turned his face to the side, still signing furiously.

 _I'm a monster. I've let people get hurt. I hurt myself. I hurt other people. The thing in your brain that makes you stop before you go too far—I don't have that. They took it out of me. You've had to stop me. And I still hurt people. I hate everyone and push them all away and I hate me…_

 _ **Stop,**_ Natsu insisted as Gray's signing turned frantic. _You don't hate me, so there's someone who you don't push away. And even if you did, I wouldn't care._

 _Wouldn't you?_

 _I can take it,_ Natsu signed simply. _Do you really hate yourself?_

 _Yes._ Gray's face was a stubborn snarl. _I'm weak. I'm scared. I've got bloody hands, and I get broken, and I'm subhuman… People hate me. I'm a pitiful shell of a monstrous—_

 _I don't hate you, Gray._

Natsu felt the emotion welling up his throat and tried to fight it, then realized he didn't care. Maybe Gray needed to see the tears in his eyes.

 _Gray, did you know… Monsters make good lovers._

Gray hiccoughed. _What?_

 _A monster like you,_ Natsu touched Gray's cheek briefly, _is exactly what I'm looking for._

 _But… I'm…_

 _Perfect,_ Natsu signed with finality. _You're perfect._

 _Rejected._

 _Nope. You're my monster. And I happen to know you're very kind and gentle under all that fur and claws._

Gray's mouth opened in a little 'oh' and he stared at Natsu in confusion that made Natsu want to wrap him up and kiss his face until he realized he was worth it. Worth so very much. Deserving of it all.

 _I love you,_ Natsu repeated for the third time that day. _Please try to believe me?_

* * *

Lisanna and Juvia moved away from Gray and Natsu's table of one accord, leaving Gray shivering but lucid in Natsu's arms. The men clearly needed time to themselves.

"That's awful," Juvia said in a broken whisper as Lisanna pulled her behind the bar. "Gray, everything, it just…"

"Yeah." Lisanna opened a cupboard and pulled out some crackers, then opened the icebox hoping Elfman had remembered to buy cheese. "I didn't know he had Mest do that. I can't imagine it all rushing back in one go."

"It's so drastic," Juvia said. "I can only think Gray would've asked Mest to do that if the memories were really, really bad."

"I don't think I can even picture something that would be that bad," Lisanna agreed solemnly, slicing a pear on the sideboard.

"I…can," Juvia said, so quiet Lisanna almost didn't hear. When Juvia sniffed, Lisanna turned around to look at her. "I did some terrible things, Lisanna. A long time ago. And I won't try to justify them because even though, yes, there was social pressure and the fact that Phantom Lord was the only place that had ever accepted me and Master Jose knew that…some part of me enjoyed it; a part of me liked hurting people, felt like I was getting my own back, hurting the world that rejected me. I wasn't a nice person. And even apart from the things I did, there were…worse things that I witnessed Master do, and I stood by."

Part of Lisanna—a very strong part—wanted to naysay her, to assure her that she was a good person and shouldn't be so hard on herself. But she knew some of it was true: that Juvia had a past, and it wasn't nice.

But what was true was that Juvia had changed. She was no longer that woman and she had atoned for those sins.

After a moment of staring at each other, then the floor—a silence of understanding—Lisanna straightened and asked, "Could you get some water?"

Juvia gave her a strange look.

"I mean two glasses of water," Lisanna amended, flushed. "For Natsu and Gray. And can you help me carry this over there?"

Juvia fetched the drinks and the pair of them journeyed back to the table. At their approach, Natsu looked up with red-rimmed eyes from where he'd been either kissing Gray's hair or leaning against him. Lisanna put the libations down, gave him a sad smile, and skittered off again.

"You're very caring," Juvia said as they moved into the back pantry. "Always thinking what others need, and then providing it."

"Oh." Lisanna had to get her voice under control, the blood rushing through her body and rapidly accumulating in her face. "Thank you."

When she leaned against the counter, Juvia hopped up on a stack of crates and they both sighed, exchanging a bittersweet smile. What an afternoon.

"I wish I could give him…something," Juvia said. "Something that would truly make it better. But then I wonder if even wishing that devalues all the awful things he's been through."

"I don't think so," Lisanna said, her heart slumping as quickly as it had leapt up. "You care about him. That's never a bad thing."

"Caring about anyone is never wrong," Juvia whispered, looking long and sincerely at Lisanna.

* * *

Juvia hoped Lisanna got that it was supposed to be a continuation of the compliment.

Juvia was terrible at flirting. Possibly the worst person at it ever. Some of her closer friends, like Lucy, even teased her that she was the Quintessential Hopeless Lesbian.

It didn't help that she'd been following Gray lately, trying to be helpful as he'd been acting more…on edge. Fragile.

But even if Juvia couldn't flirt, she could read other people's flirting, and Lisanna had been staring at her across the guildhall a lot. And she'd tripped over Juvia the other day. That couldn't be coincidence, right?

Juvia opened her mouth when Lisanna said, "The way you care for Gray…inspires me."

"Thank you," Juvia stuttered, but she was confused why Lisanna's smile had an edge to it; why her eyes were crinkled down. "I don't think you need the inspiration though."

Shit, that didn't make any sense.

"What?" Lisanna asked.

"Just that…you're so nice already," Juvia said, feeling her face heat up. "Kind. Caring. Cheerful. You're just…"

Amazing.

When Juvia finally managed to meet Lisanna's eyes, she expected to see embarrassment, pleasure, something—but Lisanna looked more heartbroken than ever.

"Um, I…" Juvia sought something comforting. Anything.

Oh. Wait.

"You know I don't _like_ Gray, right?"

"What?" Lisanna asked, eyes wide and pitiful. She was so transparent, and awfully cute.

Yes, Juvia had read these signs correctly.

"He…saved me," she said softly. "I know that sounds dramatic, but it's true. I didn't like who I'd become, the people around me, and Gray: he offered me a way out of that. Into Fairy Tail. And here I made a family and—and things changed for me. I changed. People helped me learn how to become the person I wanted to be all along. They gave me the love and courage I needed. I think…sometimes I think that all along, the only thing I really needed was to be loved.

"So I want to see the best for Gray. I want to be for him what he was for me in the beginning. I was so shy, and he didn't talk, and so I could sit with him and be totally silent and it was okay. He never looked at me weird. Other people had to warm up to me, but he didn't. He made me feel normal. That's what I'd like for him, too: to feel okay as himself. Know that he's normal. Be allowed to be what he needs to be."

When Juvia finished, a bit breathless, Lisanna was staring at her with large, unreadable eyes.

"That's very…" Lisanna looked down. "You're a beautiful person, Juvia."

Juvia coughed. She knew she was blushing terribly red. She knew Lisanna could tell, too, and could read it for what it was, because Lisanna's stare tipped up into hopefulness, happiness, and her eyes scanned across Juvia's features.

"I, um," Juvia said, wanting so very much to kiss her.

The guild doors burst open.

Mest walked in, saw Natsu and Gray, and scurried over with his head down. "I'm sorry…"

When Juvia looked over again, Lisanna was watching the men, and the moment was gone.

* * *

"I—I undid, and it wasn't on purpose, but…"

Mest was spluttering all over; Lahar was beside him looking like he was both ticked off at Mest and trying to calm him down; and Gray had huddled in Natsu's lap out of an instinctual urge to hide.

"Whoa, wait," Natsu said, "it was on purpose? _That_ was fucking _on purpose?_ "

"No!" Mest burst out, waving his hands. "It wasn't. I was, um, distracted and…um…"

Gray felt Natsu's skin begin to boil. If he weren't feeling so vulnerable, Gray probably would've stripped naked already due to the heat.

"I kissed him," Lahar stepped in, looking solemn and lawful even with such a declaration. But Gray was good at body language, and he heard how Lahar's voice quieted, how his eyes lingered too long as if making sure they weren't about to tease him.

"I'm sorry," Mest said, and he looked almost on the point of tears now. He knelt next to the bench and looked directly at the ice mage. "Gray, I know those memories were awful, and I can't believe… Let me erase them again. Tell me what I can do to help."

All three of them looked at Gray; he felt Natsu shift sideways to see his face.

Slowly, Gray uncurled from his perch, sliding off Natsu's lap and sitting up straight for the first time in hours. It felt good, like unfolding into the light, breathing deeply, being able to move with freedom. He twined his fingers with Natsu's. He still wasn't sure what had happened between them, but Natsu had always been okay with providing comforting touch, so Gray gripped tight to his hand and used that as an extra mooring.

 _I'm okay now,_ he signed, facing Natsu as his interpreter. That was the whole reason Natsu knew about this: Mest didn't sign, and the spell took a lot of back-and-forth as Mest found each memory and blocked it off. That, and Gray had wanted him there for support.

It meant that Natsu knew bits and pieces of some of Gray's horrors, too. Gray wasn't as alone in them. Still mostly alone. But not all the way.

"You want me to do it now or later?" Mest asked.

Gray blinked at him.

 _I'm okay,_ he repeated. When even Natsu just looked at him, he repeated, _I don't want to go through that again._

"Ooh," Natsu nodded, comprehension dawning. "Mest, can you promise…you won't undo it again?"

"Yes," Mest said, at the same time as Gray cut in, _No, I don't want to block them again. I'm okay. I don't want to have to sit through that spell and every single…_

 _But,_ Natsu signed, _what about your memories?_

Gray gave him a stubborn look. _Everyone else lives with theirs._

 _Yours are…_ Natsu paused.

 _Different?_ Gray quirked an eyebrow.

 _Yeah._

 _I thought you said I wasn't a monster,_ Gray signed. He knew he was twisting Natsu's words, but he didn't care. He didn't know how else to say this. _If it's possible to live after everything…after all the things that happened to me, then I'll live. And if not…_

 _You are_ _ **not**_ _fucking doing that to yourself again!_ Natsu signed, big and sloppy and grabbing Gray's scarred wrist. _I_ _ **love**_ _you, or didn't you hear? You…you'll hurt me if you try—fuck, no, that's not what I meant; I know I can't… But Gray, please. Please don't._

Gray wanted to reach out, cup his cheek, and reassure him that that wasn't what Gray meant. That he didn't intend to get hurt, or… He just wanted to live. And he wanted…he wanted to do it _not alone._

He looked at Mest.

 _Thank you for the first time. But I'm good. For now, I'm okay._

Natsu let out a long breath, then translated the message.

Once Mest and Lahar had gone, Gray turned back to Natsu, and was crestfallen to see him slumping.

"I didn't mean to imply that your memories make you a bad person or that you can't handle them, or…fuck. Gray, I think you're strong. And I think you're strong if you choose to take initiative and wipe those things out of your brain. And," Natsu leaned in and cupped his cheek, "I think you're strong if you choose to try to face them. I think you're strong when you survive panic attacks. I think you're strong when you cry. You're strong every damn day, and you're so brave, and I want to be like you—"

They were both crying now, sniffing hard as Natsu leaned their foreheads together. And Gray found he wasn't scared, wasn't nervous.

 _Love you,_ he signed. _You're really brave too._

* * *

As Mest led Lahar down the back hall, he realized he had no idea where they were going.

"What do you…?" He looked helplessly over his shoulder at Lahar. He was still shaken up by what happened—that he'd done that, that Gray truly didn't want him to redo it—and all the soft things from before seemed out of reach.

Lahar glanced around the hallway, peeking into a nearby doorway.

"In here."

When Mest followed him into the infirmary, Lahar swooped around and closed the door behind them—and then carefully pulled Mest close.

Mest panted, mouth open, and watched him in confusion.

"Want to…um…?" Lahar looked down, fingers sweaty in Mest's.

Mest leaned in and kissed him. Lahar responded with a sound of assent and desire, one his hands shifting to Mest's hip as Lahar pushed him against the door. Leaning back, Mest pulled Lahar against him lengthwise, feeling the warmth of his whole body all at once; overwhelmed by it.

"H-How far?" Lahar asked, and that's when Mest realized the fingers at his hip were shifting under his shirt, edging toward skin. There was something pointed and poignant in Lahar's movements, anxious but whole.

"Anything," Mest growled, and let out a happy sigh when Lahar drew Mest's shirt off and trailed his gaze over his naked chest with a smile.

Maybe the soft things were in reach after all.

* * *

Gajeel stumped back into the guild in a stormy mood.

A voice made him stop. He'd come in the side door that led to the kitchen, and Erza was talking to someone around the corner, in the space behind the bar.

Her voice was different than normal.

"Okay," she laughed, light and awkward and high. "The fourteenth. Yeah."

A silence in which Gajeel could hear snippets of a woman's voice. A communication lacrima, then.

Erza laughed—no, she _giggled._ "I like that. You're…pretty amazing, you know. Yes, you! Oh, don't. You strong and lovely _and_ the sweetest person ever. So there."

Another giggle.

Gajeel had never heard a tone of voice that so utterly said, _please kiss me._

"Alright, I'll let you go," Erza said. "But, Kagura? Thank you for talking to me. And, um. I miss you. Take care. Darling. I…I love you."

He could hear her blush as she clicked off.

"Girlfriend?" he asked, rounding the corner nonchalantly and making her jump.

"Yes," she chuckled, "I mean, no! No, not…heh…she's just a friend. I'm going to visit her."

"A very special friend," he said, and Erza turned red.

"What makes you say that?" she demanded.

Gajeel rolled his eyes.

Shrugging, he stalked off and left her to her embarrassed daydreams. Further along behind the bar, he nearly ran straight into Juvia.

"What's up?" she began, then interrupted herself, "—are you okay?"

"Fine. What's going on?"

"Nothing much." For some reason her voice shook. "Gray is doing better. Mest came in and checked on things. Everything is okay now, I think. Lisanna was here for a little while. She had to go collect dirty dishes and trash from upstairs. Since the party is effectively over."

"Why aren't you with her?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

Juvia went a very deep shade of fuchsia.

"She needed the time alone."

"She said that?"

"I could tell." Juvia bit her lip and finally looked away, something lost and wistful in her eyes. "We sort of talked… Funny how these things always go different in real life than in one's head."

"She turned you down?" he asked in surprise. He could've sworn that one was mutual.

"No, it's just…it wasn't the right time. She was distracted, things kept happening…"

Gajeel's growl cut her off and Juvia looked at him in surprise.

Fucking people. Just get your shit together and say what you mean. Life is short and you have to live it, or else you have no right to complain.

Fuck, now he was quoting Rogue's advice.

"Just kiss her already," he said aloud. "She'll love it. And you'll finally get this nasty tension over with."

"But what if I lose her!" Juvia squeaked in alarm.

"Then at least you'll fucking know," he growled. "Isn't that better than not knowing? Or do you think you can persuade her to love you if given enough time?"

It was mean, and it sounded mean, but Juvia gave a sober nod.

"No, you're right. Others' feelings are not my concern, and changing them is certainly not in the cards. I can only control…"

"Yourself," he finished when she drifted off. "And where your mouth goes."

"Gajeel!" she half-shrieked, half-laughed, slapping his arm.

Finally, he smiled again.

"Go," he said. "Kiss your girl."

Someone ought to kiss someone.

"She's not mine yet," Juvia said, but her smile was broad as she turned toward the stairs.

* * *

Lisanna loved that Juvia came after her.

She loved that Juvia came over and helped, and struck up conversation, and that it was easy, and that she knew now that Juvia was in fact available (which was good, because Natsu and Gray were getting _awfully_ close down there).

She loved when Juvia, bringing over some trash to add to the bag Lisanna had, touched her hand.

Lisanna even loved—mortifiying as it was—that her breath stuttered quite loudly in her throat and the two of them came to a complete stop.

She loved the way Juvia asked if she could kiss her.

She loved nodding.

She loved when Juvia did.

* * *

Juvia loved how hot Lisanna's lips were. She loved the slide of Lisanna's tongue against hers. She loved forgetting that the entire world out there existed.

She loved wrapping their arms around each other and standing there, just like that, and knowing this meant something.

Something real.

* * *

Out in the woods, the search parties were turning back one by one, no perpetrator in evidence even after forty-five minutes. Laxus had even declared that he couldn't smell any unfamiliar trails, so they were at a dead-end now. Hopefully those at the guild knew more and could piece it all together.

Mira and Cana were searching together, steps in sync as they trudged the underbrush.

Cana stepping out of sync was the first sign. It was enough to make Mira raise a hand.

Which was enough for Mira to grab Cana before she hit the ground.

"Love!" Mira exclaimed, lowering the pair of them down and leaning Cana against a tree. She looked pale and sweaty. "What's going on? You overexerted—why didn't you say? How are you feeling?"

Cana gave her a grey smile. "…Dizzy?"

Mira raised a sharp eyebrow and Cana groaned.

"I wanna kiss you when you look like that," Cana whined. "Stop being so pretty."

Mira felt her face flush, exacerbated when Cana shakily touched her cheek.

"You have freckles," Cana observed.

"I do?" Mira asked, hardly even listening. Cana's eyes were so deep, the dark brown of thought and cool and peace.

"Yeah. It's pretty. You're such a pale little thing," Cana teased, tapping her on the nose.

"Where I came from, nobody's brown," Mira admitted.

"Really? Weird. Well, whatever: they produced you, so I'm happy."

Mira smiled.

She was no good at this flirting thing, too caught up in bigger, softer, inexpressible emotions that left her mind blank of anything except sentimental poetry.

But Mira _was_ good at gestures and actions. She was good at finding needs and then meeting them.

"Wanna go inside and get hot cocoa?" she asked.

Cana's eyes lit up. "Do I even need to dignify that with an answer?"

"You do if you want me to carry you," Mira laughed.

At this, Cana gave her a skeptical look.

"You…carry me?" she chortled.

It took only a breath for Mira to transform. This was a form she knew well. One Cana had seen her wear many times, too—but only in battle.

"Too scary?" she asked, nibbling her lip, but Cana shook her head adamantly and held out her arms.

"Are you kidding?" Cana murmured as satanic arms lifted her easily. "You're sexy as fuck. And incredibly gorgeous. Always: didn't I tell you that?"

"Yeah," Mira laughed, feeling the blush creeping again into her face.

The cold slither of snow against Mira's tail sent little thrills up her spine that did not help the excited ache in her chest at holding Cana against her. Cana might tease about kissing; this embrace alone was enough to melt Mira.

As she neared the guild doors, Cana shivered against her and Mira looked down at her in concern. (She'd been trying _not_ to look at Cana too often since their faces were quite close together and Mira didn't want to walk them into a tree.)

"Chilly?"

"I, um," Cana hedged. "Do you mind putting me down before we walk into the guild? I'm not—not ashamed or anything, but it's just…people will make a big deal about my head…"

"It _is_ a big deal. You have a bad concussion, Cana. You shouldn't be walking around."

"But I don't want people fawning over me," Cana pouted, looking at her with shining sincerity while Mira opened her mouth to protest. "I just want _you_ fawning over me."

Mira stared at her.

"Oh, fine," she sighed, unable to keep a smile off her face. "When you put it like that, I don't want others fawning over you either. That's my job."

"Exactly," Cana laughed, breathy, and now it was _her_ face darkening.

Mira had actually gotten her to blush.

At the bottom of the steps, she put Cana down and Cana leaned on her instead, arm around Mira's shoulders—now back to her own skin. Mira enjoyed walking like this, too: her fingers fitting into the curve of Cana's waist, touching her hip.

There was hardly anyone in the hall and they made it to the kitchen without anyone addressing them, where Mira led Cana to a chair and headed to the stove.

"There's a trick to warming milk to get it just right," she said. "Truly good cocoa involves a surprising amount of skill."

Cana beamed.

"You're so… _knowledgeable._ No wonder the guild is still running."

Turning around to go to the icebox, she found Cana's smile, her beautiful eyes. Her actions felt natural, like she knew exactly what she should do. Walking to Cana instead, she leaned over and tipped their foreheads together, Cana leaning forward to meet her eagerly. They stayed like that for a long moment, breathing softly against each other, Mira's hands sliding down Cana's muscled arms.

"Love you," Mira whispered.

"L-Love you too," Cana said, breath catching.

Tilting forward, Mira kissed her softly on the mouth.

"How about," she murmured against Cana's lips a moment later, "I make us hot cocoa and then we cuddle on the upstairs sofa together and do nothing but be together?"

"Sounds like heaven," Cana whispered back.

* * *

Outside not far from the guild, two other women were having an encounter involving a lot more exertion.

Lucy's lips were both softer and more agile than Levy had expected. Not that she'd kissed many people, but she'd kissed a few, and never any girl like this. Levy was used to taking control, initiating, but Lucy kissed her with just as much energy, and Levy's mind was fuzzy with how Lucy moved against her.

Lucy's fingers edged up under the hem of her shirt and Levy groaned.

"Okay?" Lucy asked, breath fogging the short space between them.

"Yes," Levy groaned, pushing her tighter against the tree.

It had started easily enough. They'd been smiling and chatting all day, and sitting close, and then holding hands, and talking about deep and personal things, and doing things together without having to think about it, and holding hands as they searched the woods, and finding nothing, and stopping against a tree… Lucy had pulled Levy against her, Levy had tipped her head to the side eye-to-eye with her, and the next moment they were kissing.

Lucy's cold fingers were grazing over her stomach now, delicate and tantalizing. Their tongues danced. Levy sucked Lucy's tongue between her lips and caressed her; Lucy gasped.

For so long Levy had liked her and had this _thing_ with her, this friendship that wasn't really a friendship—it was so much closer, but nobody acted like that was a big deal, while Levy's heart ached and her smile burst into life every time Lucy walked into the room.

And now she had Lucy in her arms, was smelling the salt and sweetness of her skin.

Levy hardly noticed she was pressing her knee between Lucy's until their legs were suddenly intertwined and Lucy's thigh tight against her.

"Fuck!" Levy swore, high and tense, and Lucy moaned, the sound reverberating through her chest. Suddenly Levy wanted to touch her skin, and she brought her fingers up to the V of Lucy's shirt, petting down her cleavage.

When Lucy ground her thigh up between Levy's legs, Levy took that as encouragement and explored further, fingertips slipping just inside the edge of Lucy's bra to feel the swell of her breast.

"Mm, maybe," Levy hummed, "we should take this inside?"

"Goddess," Lucy groaned, eyes shut and mouth open in awe as she shuddered. Pulling Levy close, she kissed Levy's lips before trailing down her neck.

Levy felt like she was going to fly apart, like if she had any power her clothes would cease to exist and she would give Lucy everything.

"Don't wanna move," Lucy whimpered into her shoulder, teeth sliding along Levy's collarbone and making her gasp.

"But," Levy said, curling her fingers in Lucy's bra and brushing over a hard nipple—

They both moaned. Levy just wanted to strip Lucy down and put her mouth all over her. Levy was so wet. She was willing to bet Lucy was too.

"But if we stay out here," Levy whispered, "we can't do all the things I want to do. Do you want to?"

She pulled back enough to see Lucy's wide eyes, and Lucy nodded quickly.

"Gods, yes. I do. Inside."

Grabbing each other's hand and grinning, they turned and ran in the direction of town. Fairy Hills was just over the next rise, and Levy's room was cozy and warm.


	7. Together Again

**Chapter 7: Together Again**

Almost everyone ended up back in the hall eventually. The decorations were half down and it was actually more comfortable this way, like home after a long party.

Everyone was delightfully cold after being outside, too, so Lisanna and Juvia (Mira was upstairs alone with Cana, and nobody was so hard-hearted they'd interrupt them) made a giant pot cocoa and a big kettle of tea which Juvia mixed peppermint into. And then Gajeel snuck sake into both pots and nobody really noticed, so now they were all having a _really_ good lazy time.

Laxus noticed the sake because his nose could pick up just about anything, but he didn't mind the addition, and he enjoyed everyone being less rowdy and more sleepily jovial. Freed was looser, too.

Laxus had a sneaking suspicion Gajeel's prank had less to do with benevolence and more with a need to put frantic energy to work somewhere (and pranks were, after all, a great outlet). Laxus and Freed had run into him in the woods, and Laxus had smelled another scent he hadn't smelled in a long time on the man. He heard footsteps leaving, too, and Gajeel was looking startled, happy, and irked all at once. He'd angrily told them about Mest and to call off the other searchers, then disappeared toward the guild.

He knew Freed could tell there had been something going on, but Freed hadn't asked, so Laxus hadn't said anything. He was too much into enjoying Freed's soft hand in his and the sense of connectedness they shared without having to say a word.

Freed was wonderful.

Laxus's eyes were starting to droop (he was on his third cup of spiked tea) when Freed turned to him with his effervescent smile.

Their bench was in a corner and across from them were Evergreen and Bickslow (the former asleep with her head in the latter's lap), so Laxus felt no embarrassment at leaning in and kissing Freed's temple.

"C'mere," Freed laughed, hand on Laxus's cheek to guide his head down.

Laxus tried to resist for a second, but Freed was insistent and so Laxus relaxed, resting against Freed's warm shoulder. This was quite nice actually: he could get all the nuances of Freed's scent from this nearness.

It was more satisfying and intimate than anything Laxus could imagine.

He surveyed the hall in time to see Cana, who was coming down the stairs leaning on Mira, bop Gajeel across the head. He laughed.

"What?" Freed asked, looking over.

"Cana's telling him to go back out there," Laxus chuckled. "She said he's not allowed to come back until he has a boyfriend."

Snorting, Freed cuddled closer to him and ran his palm up and down Laxus's leg.

"I've got mine already," he said. "Nobody can dope-slap me."

Laxus cuffed him gently and Freed let out a noise of protest, batting Laxus's hand and smoothing his hair. When Freed glanced sideways to meet Laxus's eyes, they both laughed, Laxus burying his face in Freed's shoulder.

"Wha?!" Bickslow said, jerking. He blinked. "Oh. I fell asleep."

He looked over at them, nodded as if in agreement, and leaned back again, soon descending into snores.

Laxus sighed. It was a holy, precious night.

"Hey, Laxus." Freed nudged him awake some indeterminate time later.

"Mm?"

"Let's go home and do this in a proper bed."

"M'kay," Laxus yawned, straightening. "But whose?"

Freed smirked. "Mine is actually big enough for the both of us. C'mon. You're making me sleepy and I want to cuddle."

* * *

Word came in mid-January that Crocus was snowed in. Commerce slowed to a crawl and nobody was going out much, including mages. Natsu's magic was the only one in high-demand anyway; he and Gray were the only ones still taking jobs. Always together. Gray looked happiest like that.

The weather made it hardly worth leaving his flat, but there was nothing to do except at the guild, so every morning Gajeel trudged there and ensconced himself with his bored guildmates. Mira and Cana proved lifesavers by rooting out some old board games and acting as referee team.

Gajeel very silently, and utterly to himself, wished Erik would find a reason to amble Magnolia-ward, but there was no chance of that. He'd told himself he was okay waiting for spring.

So he was startled when the guild doors opened and let in a waft of something distinctly not Fairy Tail.

"Rogue?" he asked, rising and crossing the hall while others expressed confusion or welcome. "But what are you…"

"Came to visit," Rogue said, smiling as he hugged Gajeel.

Sting bounded over and clapped him on the shoulder, then spun around asking, "Where's Natsu?"

"Just back from a job," Gajeel grunted. "Try upstairs."

As Sting disappeared in a cloud of cheerfulness, Gajeel led Rogue to the bar.

"What are you visiting for?" he asked again.

"To say hi," Rogue said. "Sting was bored out of his mind and driving everyone crazy."

"So you brought him here to drive us crazy."

"No," Rogue laughed, "we came to hear how life is going. How's your boy-toy problem?"

Gajeel growled, hackles rising automatically. Rogue smirked.

"That well?"

Gajeel wanted to grunt, _Mine,_ but figured that would come out wrong.

"He's not around," Gajeel said instead. "What's there to say?"

"Well? Are you together, or not?"

"I don't know…yes and no?"

"How can it be both?" Rogue asked in exasperation.

"It's confusing."

"You're confusing."

Gajeel stuck his tongue out. "You going to try to one-up me, punk?"

"I'm older than you now," Rogue pointed out. "And I've sucked some dick, so, you know, if you want advice…"

Gajeel muttered, "Fuck you," as Rogue laughed.

"I'm teasing you. I'm sorry. For real now. Where did things leave off?"

Gajeel thought for a long moment, taking a sip of the drink Lisanna had passed him.

"Good," he said.

"Define 'good.' "

"Okay. Like, we both know…" Gajeel snapped his mouth shut.

"Both know what?" Rogue asked suspiciously. "Oh my god, are you _both_ only compatible with each other?"

"Maybe," Gajeel glowered. "But it doesn't have to mean anything."

"No, it doesn't." Rogue put a hand on his arm. "Still. I'm sure that felt special. And…emotional."

"Damn dramatic is what it was."

Smiling, Rogue nodded like this confirmed what he'd said.

As if Gajeel ever got _emotional._

Hmf. Okay, he did.

"We both enjoy—er, um, we don't dislike each other's scents," Gajeel went on. "And…and then we just…sort of talked. I don't really remember how. But it went good and we were…you know."

"Hitting it off?"

"Yeah. Until lightning-freak and his boyfriend showed up and scared Erik off."

" 'Erik'?" Rogue coughed, as if surprised Gajeel would be on real-names basis with the man he had a crush on. "Why did that scare him off?"

"We heard them coming and…he's skittish, you know. You would be too if you were a fugitive for most of your life. So we said goodbye and he took off."

" _Said_ goodbye?" Rogue asked.

"Okay, we _hugged_ goodbye."

"Just a hug?"

"Fuck off," Gajeel said, glaring. "We don't all have it idyllic with someone who we don't even have to talk to because we fucking read each other's minds."

"Sting and I don't—"

"You basically do. Admit it."

Rogue's smile turned soft, and in spite of all his pretend-toughness, Gajeel warmed seeing Rogue look so contented.

"Yeah, sometimes it feels that way."

"Exactly," Gajeel coughed. "So, you know. Maybe one day he and I will get there, but for now…it's what it is. He'll be back in the spring. I might head east if I find any good missions, and if this goddamn snow lets up. Might run into him that way."

"Aww," Rogue said, disappearing into his drink so that Gajeel could blush in peace.

A crackling on the bar made Gajeel look down. Icy letters stretched across the wood in front of him:

 _That's really sweet._

He whipped around, finding Gray standing two meters behind him. He had neither heard nor smelt the man, and neither had Rogue, who made a noise of surprise.

Smiling, Gray shrugged at him and turned to walk upstairs.

"The little spy," Gajeel said, but the words came out with affection. The pair of them had somehow come to a better understanding lately; Gajeel trying to be quiet and gentle and non-threatening around him, and Gray noticing the attempts. They'd sort of become friends, although Gajeel's signing was still poor and Gray often resorted to written messages.

Gajeel's ears were still tuned to Gray's near-silent footsteps as they topped the stairs, and a few seconds later there came the squinch of sofa springs and Gray's soft sigh, like the exhalation of stress into the air. Gajeel could hear Natsu's voice, and Sting, the two of them talking excitedly, and he knew without having to see that Natsu had grabbed Gray's hand the moment Gray sat down.

What Natsu and Gray had, the soft and quiet thing that steadied them—Gajeel wanted something like that. It didn't have to be with Erik: he wasn't hung up on the man like that, though he liked him more than he liked saying aloud.

He wanted that special thing with someone at some point. He wasn't in a hurry. But he was fondly excited whenever he thought about the potential future.

He and Rogue continued to talk, moving onto less fraught topics, laughing and teasing—Gajeel made sure to get Rogue back plenty by poking fun at him and Sting at every opportunity. And they presented plenty. Rogue was head over heels, and Gajeel's jokes just seemed to make him prouder of the fact. Maybe that was why Gajeel liked teasing him.

Eventually Sting wandered back downstairs and draped himself over Rogue's shoulders, emitting random asides into the conversation and hailing anyone who got near. It was like he was drunk, except Sting was like this always.

Gajeel did not understand extraverts.

Juvia wandered over and she, Gajeel, and Rogue reminisced about the (good) days in Phantom Lord. Eventually Lisanna came to collect Juvia for a date, Sting ooh-ing and ah-ing over their relationship like they were the cutest thing in existence.

They slipped out of the guild, and at the scent of cold wind, Gajeel straightened.

Rogue frowned. "Is that—?"

"Yes," Gajeel hissed gruffly.

Sting looked between them and swung his eyes toward the door. As Rogue's concerned gaze stayed on Gajeel, Gajeel turned around much slower, even knowing who he'd see.

Erik stood in the doorway, sauntering nonchalantly sideways with his hands in his pockets.

Behind him, other faces appeared—Richard, Sawyer, and Macbeth—but Erik was still searching the guildhall.

He saw Gajeel and jerked his chin in a friendly nod.

Gajeel raised his hand to wave before he even thought about it. Sting snorted.

A thud made Gajeel look around, and he found Rogue elbowing Sting and glaring, the pair having a totally silent conversation involving eyebrows and head tilting.

"H-Hey," Gajeel said, turning back and having to cough before he could raise his voice to call to Erik. "Hey. How's it going?"

Those words shook Erik from his nervous, sideways canter and he approached the bar, one fang hanging over his lip as if biting it, taking the seat on Gajeel's other side. (This also meant Gajeel could turn his back on the confusing and mildly insulting display Sting and Rogue were putting on.)

"What are you doing here?" Gajeel asked him, not sure what the protocol was here: shake hands, pat shoulders, do an awkward side-hug…?

"We had a mission in the area," Erik said smoothly. Gajeel had forgotten how low and solid his voice was. A sound you might miss if you weren't paying attention. A voice for snide comments and deeply-held vulnerabilities. Gajeel liked it immensely. "Richard suggested we come and say hi, since we were in the area."

"He's lying," Macbeth declared, making Gajeel jump as he appeared at their side, leaning an elbow on Erik's shoulder—Gajeel's brow drew down in consternation. "Our last mission was on the other side of the mountains. But Erik mentioned Fairy Tail was over here, and then Richard bugged him about it untimmf—"

Macbeth's words cut off under Erik's palm, slapped hurriedly over his mouth. (Their bodily familiarity was enchanting. Distracting. Gajeel couldn't help focusing on it. And being slightly jealous.)

"Anyway," Erik said, and his brown cheeks were definitely darker. "What…how…how are you doing?"

"Well," Gajeel said, uncertain why Macbeth rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest (Erik's hand still firmly fixed over his mouth). "We're kind of snowed in. Been real boring around here for the past few weeks. I'm amazed you guys could make it over the mountain."

"We had Sawyer's help," Erik said.

Gajeel frowned, then realized. "Ah. Speed produces heat."

"Yeah. Plus Richard, of course: earth magic. And…" Erik bit his lip—his fangs were incredibly sharp. "And I helped some. Poison melts snow; you know…"

"Right."

They lapsed into silence.

Macbeth huffed heavily.

"Something to drink?" Cana asked, appearing on the other side of the bar. Saving the conversation. She served them and then Macbeth and herself before asking the visitors, "How bad is it in the mountains right now? I heard there were two avalanches."

"Three," Erik said, relinquishing Macbeth to let him drink. "Only one person died. But half a dozen towns are completely locked in. They've hired mages to clear a way through. Hence us."

Cana nodded, glancing between the Crime Sorciere mages—and ending on Macbeth. "How does your magic help?"

"I can defend myself against basically anything, first of all; in case something drastic happens, I'm supposed to sound the alarm. But my main job was reflecting falling snow—including that third avalanche—away from structures and people."

"So only one death is notable," Cana said, impressed.

"They weren't in the towns we were looking after," Erik jumped in. "That was in another, and a week before we got there anyhow."

Gajeel liked the protective look in Erik's eye as he said it, the man glowering into his cup as soon as he finished talking; Gajeel smiled into his own.

"Are the towns still protected if you're gone?" Cana asked.

"We set up spells," Macbeth said, waving a hand. "They'll be safe."

"Oo, what kind?" Cana asked. She waved Macbeth over to a free chair further down, leaning over the bar and engaging him in private conversation.

Gajeel sent her his silent thanks.

"Sounds like cold work," he said.

"It was," Erik chuckled wryly. "My hands are permanently frostbitten."

Gajeel stood abruptly, causing Erik to startle. "C'mere."

Leaving their drinks, they walked around to the end of the bar where Gajeel lifted the gate and let Erik behind the counter.

"In here."

He led the way into the kitchen, past the stove and around the corner—

"Oo, that feels nice," Erik said, eyes alight as he stared at the huge fireplace.

Motioning Erik to take the seat nearest the blaze, Gajeel swung a chair around backward and straddled it, leaning on the back.

"The kitchen is always the warmest place in the guild," he said, watching Erik stretching his fingers toward the fire. "And it's quiet."

Erik looked at him swiftly, then back down at the flames.

"Yeah," he said. "It is quiet."

A little farther from all the voices Erik had to hear all the time. At least, Gajeel hoped so. He wasn't sure how far Erik's power extended, or if distance made it any quieter, but one could hope.

"Towns are fucking awful," Erik said softly. "I stayed outside mostly. Worked on the snow. The other three slept in a host's house, but I just couldn't. Probably why I'm so cold."

In evidence, he held his hand up, and Gajeel was startled to see bruising, the skin peeling in angry red blotches.

"Holy shit, the 'frostbitten' comment wasn't hyperbole," he said, scooting his chair forward. He touched Erik's hand—an electric thrill nearly made him pull away, but he held on and sighed when he found that Erik's fingers were indeed warming up.

"Hyperbole," Erik chortled, shaking his head. "Who have you been hanging around?"

"Levy and Gray," Gajeel said easily. "That ice mage uses surprisingly big words in his writing. I hang around Cana, too, but her vocabulary is normal."

As Erik laughed, Gajeel smiled, happy to join together in this light moment.

"Gray, huh?" Erik asked when the laughter had subsided. "The one who…?"

Erik motioned at his head.

Gajeel nodded.

"I didn't overhear anything this time," Erik said, giving Gajeel a questioning look.

"It's all still there," Gajeel replied. "He didn't have the Mest guy hide it again. He's been…I gather he's been walking through it piece by piece. With his boyfriend, Natsu. Try to process…you know, what can be processed. And otherwise just trying to live."

"He's succeeding," Erik murmured, gazing into the fire. "Or at least, his nightmare isn't a constant."

Gajeel wasn't sure it was okay for Erik to tell him such personal things about others' thoughts, but he wasn't complaining about Erik opening himself up. Suddenly Erik's own past came to mind—what little Gajeel knew of it—and he narrowed his eyes.

"Did those memories…trigger you?" Gajeel asked.

Erik stared into the hearth for a long, long time.

Then he nodded.

"I'm sorry." Gajeel had released Erik's fingers, but he touched them again, this time giving them a squeeze.

A small smile played up the side of Erik's mouth.

When he met Gajeel's eyes, Gajeel wasn't ready for the tightness it would cause in his stomach, how naked and shattered Erik's gaze made him feel.

Letting go of his hand, Gajeel looked down.

Erik's hand appeared in his view again, tipped Gajeel's chin up, and brought him into a kiss.

"No need to be sorry," he said as he pulled back. "Instead, just be here."

Gajeel had to suck air into his lungs.

"Yeah," he said, then: "yeah. Where else would I want to be?"

Erik gave him a shy, pleased smile.

"Now you're reading _my_ mind," he said.

* * *

 **A/N:** The end. I had so much fun writing this spur of the moment (for typos gomen). I've fallen in love with mute/signing Gratsu and will definitely be doing a spinoff focusing on them. I also have some more Cojeel in the works. Thanks for reading and for your reviews! It always makes my day. xoxo


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